d out the doors and windows of the stove,
and Pa yelled fire, and I jumped out of bed and rushed in and he was the
scartest man you ever see, and you'd a dide to see how he kicked when I
threw a pail of water on his legs and put his shirt out. Ma did not get
burned, but she was pretty wet, and she told Pa she would pay the five
dollars royalty on that stove and take the castors off and let it remain
stationary. Pa says he will make it work if he burns the house down. I
think it was real mean in Pa to get mad at me because I threw cold water
on him instead of warm water, to put his shirt out. If I had waited till
I could heat water to the right temperature I would have been an orphan
and Pa would have been a burnt offering. But some men always kick at
everything. Pa has given up business entirely and says he shall devote
the remainder of his life curing himself of the different troubles
that I get him into. He has retained a doctor by the year, and he buys
liniment by the gallon."

"What was it about your folks getting up in the middle of the night to
eat? The hired girl was over here after some soap the other morning, and
she said she was going to leave your house."

"Well, that was a picnic. Pa said he wanted breakfast earlier than we
was in the habit of having it, and he said I might see to it that the
house was awake early enough. The other night I awoke with the awfulest
pain you ever heard of. It was that night that you give me and my chum
the bottle of pickled oysters that had begun to work. Well, I couldn't
sleep, and I thought I would call the hired girls, and they got up and
got breakfast to going, and then I rapped on Pa and Ma's door and told
them the breakfast was getting cold, and they got up and came down. We
eat breakfast by gas light, and Pa yawned and said it made a man feel
good to get up and get ready for work before daylight, the way he used
to on the farm, and Ma she yawned and agreed with Pa, 'cause she has to,
or have a row. After breakfast we sat around for an hour, and Pa said
it was a long time getting daylight, and bimeby Pa looked at his watch.
When he began to pull out his watch I lit out and hid in the storeroom,
and pretty soon I heard Pa and Ma come up stairs and go to bed, and then
the hired girls, they went to bed, and when it was all still, and the
pain had stopped inside of my clothes, I went to bed, and I looked
to see what time it was and it was two o'clock in the morning. We got
d