Year's girl, and I
could hear him kiss her so it sounded like a cutter scraping on bare
ground. But the girl's Pa came in and said he guessed it was time to
close the place, unless they had a license for an all night house, and
me and my chum went out. But _wasn't_ we sick when we got out doors. O,
it seemed as though the pegs in my boots was the only thing that kept
them down, and my chum he like to dide. He had been to dinner and supper
and I had only been skating all day, so he had more to contend with than
I did. O, my, but that lets me out on aignogg. I don't know how I got
home, but I got in bed with Pa, cause Ma was called away to attend a
baby matinee in the night. I don't know how it is, but there never is
anybody in our part of the town that has a baby but they have it in the
night, and they send for Ma. I don't know what she has to be sent for
every time for. Ma ain't to blame for all the young ones in this town,
but she has got up a reputashun, and when we hear the bell ring in the
night Ma gets up and begins to put on her clothes, and the next morning
she comes in the dining room with a shawl over her head, and says, 'its
a girl and weighs ten pounds,' or a boy, if its a boy baby. Ma was out
on one of her professional engagements, and I got in bed with Pa. I had
heard Pa blame Ma about her cold feet, so I got a piece of ice about as
big as a raisin box, just zactly like one of Ma's feet, and I laid
it right against the small of Pa's back. I couldn't help laffing, but
pretty soon Pa began to squirm and he said, 'Why'n 'ell don't you warm
them feet before you come to bed,' and then he hauled back his leg and
kicked me clear out in the middle of the floor, and said if he married
again he would marry a woman who had lost both of her feet in a railroad
accident. Then I put the ice back in the bed with Pa and went to my
room, and in the morning Pa said he sweat more'n a pail full in the
night. Well, you must excuse me, I have an engagement to shovel snow off
the side-walk. But before I go, let me advise you not to drink aignogg,
and don't sell torn cats for rabbits," and he got out the door just in
time to miss the rutabaga that the grocery man threw at him.

CHAPTER XXX.

HIS PA DISSECTED--THE MISERIES OP THE MUMPS--NO PICKLES
THANK YOU--ONE MORE EFFORT TO REFORM THE OLD MAN--THE BAD
BOY PLAYS MEDICAL STUDENT--PROCEEDS TO DISSECT HIS PA--
"GENTLEMEN I AM NOT DEAD!"--SAVED FROM THE SCA