o has been reading the
Parliamentary reports,--"Do you think an officer out here who developed
'conscientious objections' might get a week's leave?"

***

In the course of a debate in the Reichstag on the German Press Bureau it
was revealed that the Censor had struck out quotations from GOETHE as
being dangerous to the State. Our man who tinkered with KIPLING is
wonderfully bucked by this intelligence.

***

Bread is the staff of life, and, in the view of certain officers in the
trenches, whose opinions we cannot of course guarantee, the life of the
Staff is one long loaf.

***

Extracted from the report of an enthusiastic company commander after a
brisk action with some tribesmen on the Indian Frontier: "The men were
behaving exactly as if on ceremonial parade. They laughed and talked the
whole time...." We seem to recognise that parade.

* * * * *

Extract from letter from an Unconscientious Slacker.

[Illustration: "DEAR LORD KITCHENER,--I am not a good walker, which
prevents my joining the Infantry. As I have no experience of horses, the
Cavalry is also out of the question. The Artillery I don't care for on
account of the noise, and flying makes me giddy. The A.S.C. does not
appeal to me, and the R.A.M.C. would entail some very unpleasant duties.

"So you had better not worry about me. Perhaps when the fine weather
comes I may think about the Navy. I am rather keen on boating...."]

* * * * *

"We have from the first declared that should the voluntary
system fail to supply the men needed to win the war and who
could be spared from civil war we would accept and support it."

_Manchester Guardian._

Unfortunately, to judge by the proceedings at the Labour Conference, the
claims of civil war are very heavy.

* * * * *

This paragraph from "Town Topics" in _The Liverpool Echo_--

"We know that many of our men--especially the single ones,
judging by the Derby figures--are sheltering behind skirts"--

helps to explain this one:--

"Several lady tram-conductors in the city declare they are
denied the common courtesies far more by women passengers of the
female gender than by men."

The insistence upon the sex of the uncivil females is necessary to
distinguish them from the male civilians.

* * * * *

"FURNISHED h