set of teeth for her soldier grandson. When
asked if he would know how to take care of them, she replied that she
would give him the benefit of her own experience, having always made it
a rule to remove her artificial teeth at meal times.

* * * * *

Two cuttings from one issue of _The Egyptian Mail_:--

"TREMENDOUS INCREASE IN RECRUITING.

ANOTHER 1,000,000,000 MEN WANTED."

"WANTED proof-reader for the Egyptian Mail."

It certainly does want one; but for the sake of the gaiety of nations we
trust it won't get him.

* * * * *

"With regard to the expeditionary force, the unexampled heroism
and determination of our troops enabled them to establish a
foothold on the tip of the peninsula, but photographs confirm
the reports of eye-witnesses that they were literally holding on
by their eyelids to the positions they had occupied."--_Sunday
Times._

And the subsequent abandonment was performed like winking.

* * * * *

From a draper's notice:--

"On Friday and Saturday the shops will be open until the usual
hours, although lights will not be visible outside. Customers
are requested to open the doors to obtain admittance."

_Rugby Advertiser._

And not to climb through the windows, or come down the chimney, please.

* * * * *

TOUJOURS LA POLITESSE.

[Illustration: _British Officer_ (_in his best French_). "Etes-vous un
fumier, Monsieur?"

_French ditto_ (_with only momentary hesitation_). "Mais oui,
Monsieur."]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)

I forget just how long it is since Mr. ARNOLD BENNETT united _Edwin
Clayhanger_ and _Hilda Lessways_ in the bonds of matrimony. Time goes so
fast these days that I met them again, and _Auntie Hamps_, and _Maggie_,
and _Clara_, and the rest of the Three Towns company, as after an
enormous interval. They themselves however have changed in nothing,
except perhaps that the habit of introspection and their phenomenal
capacity for self-astonishment have become more pronounced. "He thought,
'I am I; this wife is my wife; and if I put one foot before the other I
shall go inevitably forward.' And it seemed to him stupendous." I do not
say that this is a quotation, but it represents a habit of mind that is
in danger o