ouse (small) wanted in Edinburgh; with ballroom, h.
& c."--_Scotsman._

Hot for the chaperons and cold for the dancers.

* * * * *

TO THE PRO-SHIRKERS.

[Thirty-nine Members voted against the Second Reading of the
Military Service Bill.]

You that in civilian lobbies,
While the battle-thunder rolls,
Hug your little party hobbies,
So to save your little souls,
Treating England's deadly peril like a topic for the polls;

Half of you--the record's written--
Lately strode to Downing Street
And for love of Little Britain
Wallowed at the PREMIER's feet,
Urging him to check the wanton waste of our superfluous Fleet.

Had your passionate prayer been granted
And the KAISER got his way,
Teuton crushers might be planted
On our hollow tums to-day,
And a grateful foe be asking what you want for traitors' pay.

Disappointed with the Navy,
You in turn were keen about
Putting Thomas in the gravy,
Leaving Thomas up the spout,
Lest if adequately aided he should wipe the strafers out.

Well, our memories may be rotten,
Yet they'll stick to you all right;
Not so soon shall be forgotten
Those whose hearts were fixed more tight
On the salvage of a fetish than the winning of the fight.

When the Bosches bite the gutter
And we let our tongues go loose,
Franker words I hope to utter
In the way of free abuse,
But at present I am badly hampered by the party truce.

O. S.

* * * * *

WHITTLING THEM DOWN.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,--I know you must be longing to have my analysis of the
Derby figures. I hasten to comply, for I may say that I have never,
since the War began, had finer scope for my individual talents. Never
have I had--not even in the great Copper Controversy--a bunch of figures
of which it may more truly be said that they are not what they seem,
that there is more in them than meets the eye, and that they contain
wheels within wheels. And first of all, Sir, I hope you will allow me to
explain where I am in this matter; everybody's doing it; and you will
then see