y your
orders.

THE ORDERLY. But I do assure you, sir, arf the time they're the wrong
orders; and I get into trouble when I obey them. The sergeants orders is
all right; but the officers dont know what theyre talkin about. Why the
orses knows better sometimes. "Fours" says Lieutenant Trevor at the
gate of Bucknam Palace only this morning when we was on duty for a State
visit to the Coal Trust. I was fourth man like in the first file;
and when I started the orse eld back; and the sergeant was on to me
straight. Threes, you bally fool, he whispers. And he was on to me again
about it when we came back, and called me a fathead, he did. What am I
to do, I says: the lieutenant's orders was fours, I says. Ill show you
whos lieutenant here, e says. In future you attend to my orders and not
to iz, e says: what does he know about it? You didnt give me any orders,
I says. Couldnt you see for yourself there wasnt room for fours, e says:
why cant you THINK? General Mitchener tells me Im not to think but to
obey orders, I says. Is Mitchener your sergeant or am I, e says in his
bullyin way. You are, I says. Well, he says, youve got to do what your
sergeant tells you: thats discipline, he says. What am I to do for the
General I says. Youre to let im talk, e says: thats what es for.

MITCHENER (groaning). It is impossible for the human mind to conceive
anything more dreadful than this. Youre a disgrace to the service.

THE ORDERLY (deeply wounded). The service is a disgrace to me. When my
mother's people pass me in the street with this uniform on, I ardly know
which way to look. There never was a soldier in my family before.

MITCHENER. There never was anything else in mine, sir.

THE ORDERLY. My mother's second cousin was one of the Parkinsons of
Stepney. (Almost in tears.) What do you know of the feelings of a
respectable family in the middle station of life? I cant bear to be
looked down on as a common soldier. Why cant my father be let buy
my discharge? Youve done away with the soldier's right to have his
discharge bought for him by his relations. The country didnt know you
were going to do that or it would never have stood it. Is an Englishman
to be made a mockery like this?

MITCHENER. Silence. Attention. Right about face. March.

THE ORDERLY (retiring to the standing desk and bedewing it with
passionate tears). Oh that I should have lived to be spoke to as if I
was the lowest of the low. Me! that has shaved a City of Londo