ghts to roam
Across the salt AEgean foam
With old Odysseus, far from home,
And bless the name of LOEB.

To soar with PLATO to the heights;
To find in PLUTARCH'S kings and knights
The human touch that more delights
Than crown or regal robe;
To taste the fresh Pierian springs,
To see CATULLUS scorch his wings
With the fierce flame that sears and stings--
For this I thank thee, LOEB.

I've made no fortune out of beer;
I'm not a plutocrat or peer,
Nor yet a bloated profiteer,
An OM or e'en an OBE;
But if I'd thirty pounds to spare
I'd go and blow them then and there
Upon the Hundred Books that bear
The sign and seal of LOEB.

* * * * *

[Illustration: BEHIND THE SCENES IN CINEMA-LAND.

_The Rescuer._ "I'M NOT A VERY GRACEFUL DIVER, YOU KNOW. WHAT ABOUT
EMPLOYING A PROFESSIONAL SWIMMER FOR THIS PART OF THE SHOW?"]

* * * * *

A NEWSPAPER SCOOP.

(_With the British Army in France._)

"I spotted him by the fountain-pen stains on his vest and the
thunderbolts sticking out of his pockets," said Frederick. "So I went
up to him and said, 'You are Wuffle of _The Daily Hooter_, the man who
wiped-up Whitehall and is now engaged in freezing-out France?"

"What did he say?" asked Percival.

"Whipped out a note-book and asked me to tell him all about it. I said
I was pining for the white cliffs of Albion and that the call of
the counting-house and cash-box was ringing in my ears, but that I
couldn't get demobilised because the Colonel's pet Pomeranian had
conceived a fancy for me and wouldn't take its underdone chop from
anyone else. I also hinted that I and a few friends could tell him
things that would make his biggest journalistic scoops look like
paragraphs in a parish magazine, so he invited me to bring you round
this afternoon to split an infinitive with him."

"Wuffle?" said Binnie. "That's the man who wrote about 'gilded
subalterns loafing luxuriously in cushioned cars in a giddy round of
useless and pampered ease'?"

"Well, I won't say he wrote it, but he signed it. No single man living
could write all the stuff Wuffle signs. It's turned out as they
turn out cheap motor-cars. One man roughs it out, passes it to the
adjective department, thence to the punctuation-room, where they
sprinkle it with commas and exclamation marks, and then Wuffle touches
it up, fits it with headlines and signs i