and the quarrying of the rockery
began in earnest. By 4.15 A.M. they had most of it littered over the
drive, but had struck some granite boulders which defied even the
crowbars. A further conference was then held, but at this point Edward
made a dramatic appearance, clad in lilac pyjamas, odd boots and
a kimono of the Aunt's, which he had worn as King Alfred in some
charades the night before, and in the darkness had donned in mistake
for his dressing-gown. His address was impassioned and moving, but had
no effect on the Waits, who could only be persuaded to abandon their
silver mine at the price of a second half-crown.

A day or so before Christmas I began to notice that everybody was
getting presents--everybody except me, that is. This caused me pain.
It gave the impression that I was not appreciated. I took thought for
a space, then rode into Penzance, bought several articles I had been
wanting for some time, wrote a few affectionate notes in disguised
handwriting, such as "With dearest love from Flossie," "With hugs
and kisses from Ermyntrude," etc., enclosed them with the articles,
addressed and posted them to myself and rode home again.

On Christmas morning I opened them in public with a vast flourish,
and left the touching little dedications lying carelessly about where
anybody could read them. From the glances of wonder and respect
which flashed at me from all sides I gathered that everybody did. The
sensation was both novel and pleasing. One parcel, however, there was
which I had not sent myself. It had been forwarded on by the "Punch"
Office, marked, "Please do not crush," and carefully tied and sealed.
My heart leapt. "By Jove!" said I, "a genuine Christmas present.
Somebody loves me after all. Perhaps a duchess has sent me her tiara."

With trembling fingers I unlaced the strings. The household crowded
about me, panting with envy and excitement. Reverently I folded the
multitudinous wrappings back and revealed a very old, very dilapidated
silk slipper, severely busted at the toe and stuffed with sticky
sweets, a small female doll, and a note--"With all best wishes to
PATLANDER for a happy Christmas, and many thanks for useful hints
contained in _Punch_ issue, December 10th, 1919."

I may remind you that in the issue mentioned was an epistle from me
to you recommending the Post as a means of disposing of rubbish, with
special reference to worn-out foot-gear. I only wish I knew who
played this trick on me