amusement in
novel-reading; a satisfaction no less real, because we will not own it
to ourselves; the satisfaction of seeing all our favourite and selfish
ideas dressed up in a garb so becoming, that we persuade ourselves that
our false pride is proper dignity, our ferocity courage, our cowardice
prudence, our irreligion liberality, and our baser appetites, mere
gallantry.

_A_. Very true, Barnstaple; but really I do not like this whirlwind.

_B_. Well, well! I give it up then: it was your own idea. We'll try
again. Cannot you create some difficulty or dilemma, in which to throw
her, so that the hero may come to her rescue with _eclat_.

_A_. Her grey palfrey takes fright.

_B_. So will your readers; stale--quite stale!

_A_. A wild bull has his horns close to her, and is about to toss her.

_B_. As your book would be!--away with contempt. Vapid--quite vapid!

_A_. A shipwreck--the waves are about to close over her.

_B_. Your book would be closed at the same moment--worn out--quite worn
out.

_A_. In the dead of the night, a fire breaks out--she is already in the
midst of the flames--

_B_. Where your book would also be by the disgusted reader--worse and
worse.

_A_. Confound it--you will not allow me to expose her to earth, air,
fire, or water. I have a great mind to hang her in her garters, and
make the hero come and cut her down.

_B_. You might do worse--and better.

_A_. What--hang myself?

_B_. That certainly would put an end to all your difficulties. But,
Ansard, I think I can put your heroine in a situation really critical
and eminently distressing, and the hero shall come to her relief, like
the descent of a god to the rescue of a Greek or Trojan warrior.

_A_. Or of Bacchus to Ariadne in her distress.

_B_. Perhaps a better simile. The consequence will be, that eternal
gratitude in the bosom of the maiden will prove the parent of eternal
love, which eternity of passion will of course until they are married.

_A_. I'm all attention.

_B_. Get up a splendid dinner party for their first casual meeting.
Place the company at table.

_A_. Surely you are not going to choke her with the bone of a chicken.

_B_. You surely are about to murder me, as Sampson did the
Philistines--

_A_. With the jaw-bone of a fashionable novel-writer, you mean.

_B_. Exactly. But to proceed:--they are seated at table; can you
describe a grand dinner?

_A_. Certainly, I have p