e; but have you not another idea or two to
help me with?

_Barnstaple_. Have you talked about cooks?

_Ansard_. As yet, not a word.

_Barnstaple_. By this time you ought to have some knowledge of
gastronomy. Talk seriously about eating.

_Ansard_. (_writes_.) I have made a memo.

_Barnstaple_. Have you had no affront?

_Ansard_. Not one.

B. Then be seriously affronted--complain to the burgomaster, or mayor,
or commandant, whoever it may be--they attempt to bully--you are
resolute and firm as an Englishman--insist upon being righted--they must
make you a thousand apologies. This will tickle the national vanity,
and be read with interest.

_Ansard_. (_writes_.) I have been affronted. Anything else which may
proceed from your prolific brain, Barnstaple?

_Barnstaple_. Have you had a serious illness?

_Ansard_. Never complained even of a headache.

_Barnstaple_. Then do everything but die--Henri weeping and
inconsolable--Mouton howling at the foot of your bed--kick the surgeons
out of the room--and cure yourself with three dozen of champagne.

_Ansard_. (_writes_.) Very sick--cured with three dozen of champagne--
I wish the illness would in reality come on, if I were certain of the
cure _gratis_. Go on, my dear Barnstaple.

_Barnstaple_. You may work in an episode here--delirium--lucid
intervals--gentle female voice--delicate attentions--mysterious
discovery from loquacious landlady--eternal gratitude--but no marriage--
an apostrophe--and all the rest left to conjecture.

_Ansard_. (_writes down_.) Silent attentions--conjecture--I can manage
that, I think.

_Barnstaple_. By the bye, have you brought in Madame de Stael?

_Ansard_. No--how the devil am I to bring her in?

_Barnstaple_. As most other travellers do, by the head and shoulders.
Never mind that, so long as you bring her in.

_Ansard_. (_writes_). Madame de Stael by the shoulders--that's not
very polite towards a lady. These hints are invaluable; pray go on.

_Barnstaple_. Why, you have already more hints this morning than are
sufficient for three volumes. But, however, let me see. (_Barnstaple
thinks a little_). Find yourself short of cash.

_Ansard_. A sad reality, Barnstaple. I shall write this part well, for
truth will guide my pen.

_Barnstaple_. All the better. But to continue--no remittances--awkward
position--explain your situation--receive credit to any amount--and
compliment your countrymen.