the loan I borrered last week."

"I wondered when you were going to say something about that," said Chris
Jones.

"It fair upset me," continued Chippo. "And then all at once I saw my old
pal the Toreador sneaking out of the door with a bundle an' the leg of
a pair of khaki trousers hanging out of it. I gave a wild whoop an' was
after him like the wind.

"Don Roddy was some runner. He doubled down the Roo Roubray, dodged
round a corner an' made for the Grand Pont. I was gaining on him fast
when I plunked into the arms of two Military Police.

"'What particular specie of night-bird do you call yourself?' said one
of 'em, holding my arm in a grip of iron.

"'I'm a Sergeant-drummer in the Roman-Legion,' says I, trying to get
away. 'An' I'm in a hurry.'

"'Well, where's your pass?'

"'We don't wear 'em in our battalion,' I says. 'For heving's sake let me
go. There's a chap over there trying to pinch my wardrobe.'

"It was no use. They held me tight, notwithstandin' me struggles, till
the Toreador disappeared from view over the bridge.

"'That's done it. I'll go quietly,' I groans to the M.P.'s in
despair. 'That's Chris Jones's five francs gone west, and nuthen else
matters.'"...

"Well," said Chris Jones, "what then?"

"The rest you knows," said Chippo plaintively, "exceptin' that later my
clothes was mysteriously dumped at th' billet with the pockets empty.
But I think the distressing circumstances are such as warrants me in
arsking fer the loan of another five francs."

"They would be," said Chris Jones, fumbling with his wallet, "only I
happened to be the Toreador myself. But you can have the same old five
francs back, an' be 'as you were'!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: "CAN I 'AVE THE AFTERNOON OFF TO SEE A BLOKE ABAHT A JOB
FER MY MISSIS?"

"YOU'LL BE BACK IN THE MORNING, I SUPPOSE?"

"YUS--IF SHE DON'T GET IT."]

* * * * *

HOW TO PLAY GOLF WITH YOUR HEAD.

"He cocked his head up when playing his approach and hit it all
along the carpet."

_Evening Paper_.

* * * * *

AS YOU LIKE IT OR DON'T.

SCENE.--_Bois do Boulogne_.

_Enter_ Orlando.

_Orlando (reading from sheet of paper)._

I should be extremely gloomy
If they pinched from me my Fiume.

[_Pins composition on tree._

Hang there, my verse, in witness of my love. [_Exit_.

* * * * *