s me not that other men with wives
Have fall'n already in the old abyss,
Have let their women ruin all their lives
And ordered new atrocities like this.
President WILSON will have missed success
If other men determine how I dress.

"Yonder there hangs the helmet of a Hun,
And I will hang this horror at its side;
Twin symbols of an epoch which is done,
These shall remind our children----" My wife sighed,
"You'll have to get another one, I fear;"
And all I said was, "Very well, my dear."

A.P.H.

* * * * *

COMMERCIAL CANDOUR.

Notice in a cobbler's window:--

"Will customers please bring their own paper for repairs?"

* * * * *

"Miss Carnegie wore a gown of white satin and point applique lace,
with a lace veil falling from a light brown coiffeur almost to the
end of the train."--_Daily Mirror_.

It doesn't say whether the light-brown coiffeur was a page or the best
man.

* * * * *

From an account of the British sailors' reception in Paris:--

"Sous les clamations de la foule, les marins gagnent par les
Champs-Elysees, la rue Royale et le boulevard Malesherbes, le Lycee
Carnot, ou M. Breakfast les attend."--_French Local Paper_.

Hospitality personified!

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

"BUSINESS BEFORE PLEASURE."

The return of _Abe Potash_ and _Mawruss Perlmutter_ to London is not
an event to be regarded indifferently. The light-hearted pair have
evidently been through some anxious times. _Rosie Potash_ can never have
been a very easy woman to live with. She has not improved. And now that
she has infected _Ruth Perlmutter_ with her morbid jealousies the alert
and as yet unbroken _Mawruss_ begins to know something of what his
long-suffering, not to say occasionally abject, partner, _Abe_, has had
to endure these many years.

It was bad enough in the dress business. But now they have gone into
films it is indefinitely worse. Every reasonable person must know that
you can't produce really moving pictures without an immense amount of
late office hours, dining and supping out and that sort of thing, a
fact which the _Rosies_ and _Ruths_ of this world can't be expected
to appreciate. So that it would be as well, think the ingenuous
_entrepreneurs_, if _The Fatal Murder_ were, so far as the ladies' parts
are concerned, cast f