savings, amounting to|
|$437, with which he hoped to raise |
|himself from the rank of laborer to that |
|of a prosperous merchant, and which was |
|hidden under the mattress of his bed in |
|the back room of the laundry, Hing Lee, a|
|Chinaman, who lives at 79 Nicollett |
|avenue and has been in this country but |
|three months, was overcome by smoke and |
|so seriously burned that he had to be |
|removed to the St. Mary Hospital and may |
|not live, when his establishment was |
|destroyed by a fire which, starting from |
|the explosion of the tank of the gasolene|
|stove on which he was cooking his dinner,|
|gutted his laundry, entailing a loss of |
|$1,000, shortly before noon to-day. |

It is entirely grammatical, but if the reader succeeds in wading through
it there is nothing left to tell about the fire. Why not begin the
story in this way and leave something for the rest of the story?

| Because he rushed back into his burning|
|laundry to rescue his savings, Hing Lee, |
|a Chinese laundryman, 79 Nicollett |
|avenue, was seriously burned to-day. |

Don't waste the first line of the lead on meaningless generalities. Get
down to the facts at once. For instance, "The presence of mind and
bravery of Fireman David Mullen saved Mrs. Daniel Looker from being
burned to death in her flat, etc." We are willing to grant his bravery
and presence of mind, but we want to know at once what he did: "By
sliding down an eighty-foot extension ladder through flames and smoke
with an unconscious woman in his arms, Fireman David Mullen rescued Mrs.
Daniel, etc." Equally useless is the beginning, "A daring rescue of an
unconscious woman from the fourth story of a blazing flat building was
made by Fireman David Mullen to-day, etc." Tell what the daring rescue
was and let the reader manufacture a fitting eulogy.

Don't exaggerate the facts to make a feature. When a few persons are
frightened don't turn it into a dreadful panic. Every little fire is not
a holocaust and the burning of a small barn does not endanger the
entire city, unless your imagination is strong enough to guess what
might have happened had there been a high wind and no