ege, what's the use of being a
captain?"

"Very true, my lord," said the toad-eater, with a low bow.

I will now give a short description of his lordship. He was a smart,
dapper, well made man, with a handsome, but not an intellectual
countenance; cleanly and particular in his person; and, assisted by
the puffs of Toady, had a very good opinion of himself; proud of his
aristocratic birth, and still more vain of his personal appearance.
His knowledge on most points was superficial--high life, and anecdotes
connected with it, were the usual topics of his discourse; at his
own table he generally engrossed all the conversation: and while his
guests drank his wine, "they laughed with counterfeited glee," &c. His
reading was comprised in two volumes octavo, being the Memoirs of the
Count de Grammont, which amusing and aristocratical work was never out
of his hand. He had been many years at sea; but strange to say, knew
nothing, literally nothing, of his profession. Seamanship, navigation,
and every thing connected with the service, he was perfectly ignorant
of. I had heard him spoken of as a good officer, before he joined
us; and I must, in justice to him, say that he was naturally good
tempered, and I believe as brave a man as ever drew a sword.

He seldom made any professional remark, being aware of his deficiency,
and never ventured beyond his depth intentionally. When he came on the
quarter-deck, he usually looked at the weather main-brace, and if it
was not as _taut_ as a bar, would order it to be made so. Here he
could not easily commit himself: but it became a bye-word with us
when we laughed at him below. He had a curious way of forgetting, or
pretending to forget, the names of men and things, I presume, because
they were so much beneath him; and in their stead, substituted the
elegant phrases of "What's-his-name," "What-do-ye-call-'em," and
"thingumbob."

One day he came on deck, and actually gave me the following very
intelligible order. "Mr, What's-his-name, have the goodness
to--what-do-ye-call-'em,--the,--the thingumbob."

"Ay, ay, my lord," said I. "Afterguard! haul taut the weather
main-brace." This was exactly what he meant.

He was very particular and captious when not properly addressed. When
an order is given by a commanding officer, it is not unusual to say,
"Very good, Sir;" implying that you perfectly understand, and are
going cheerfully to obey it. I had adopted this answer, and gave it to
his l