than a simpleton.

On my own name being called, I felt a flutter about the heart which I
did not feel in action, or in the hurricane, or when, in a case more
desperate than either, I jumped overboard at Spithead, to swim to my
dear Eugenia. "Powers of Impudence, as well as Algebra," said I, "lend
me your aid, or I am undone." In a moment the cabin door flew open,
the sentinel closed it after me, and I found myself in the presence
of this most awful triumvirate. I felt very like Daniel in the lions'
den. I was desired to take a chair, and a short discussion ensued
between the judges, which I neither heard nor wished to hear: but
while it lasted, I had time to survey my antagonists from head to
foot. I encouraged myself to think that I was equal to one of them;
and if I could only neutralise him, I thought I should very easily
floor the other two.

One of these officers had a face like a painted pumpkin; and his hand,
as it lay on the table, looked more like the fin of a turtle; the
nails were bitten so close off, that the very remains of them seemed
to have retreated into the flesh, for fear of farther depredation,
which the other hand was at the moment suffering. Thinks I to
myself, "If ever I saw 'lodgings to let, unfurnished,' it is in that
cocoa-nut, or pumpkin, or gourd of yours."

The next captain to him was a little, thin, dark, dried up, shrivelled
fellow, with keen eyes, and a sharp nose. The midshipmen called him
"Old Chili Vinegar," or, "Old Hot and Sour." He was what we term a
martinet. He would keep a man two months on his black list, giving him
a breech of a gun to polish and keep bright, never allowing him time
to mend his clothes, or keep himself clean, while he was cleaning that
which, for all the purposes of war, had better have been black. He
seldom flogged a man; but he tormented him into sullen discontent,
by what he called "keeping the devil out of his mind." This little
night-mare, who looked like a dried eel-skin, I soon found was the
leader of the band.

The third captain was a tall, well-looking, pompous man (he was the
junior officer of the three), with a commanding and most unbending
countenance: "He would not ope his mouth in way of smile, though
Nestor swore the jest was laughable."

I had just time to finish my survey, and form a rough estimate of
the qualities of my examiners, when I was put upon my trial by the
president, who thus addressed me,

"You are perfect in the theory of n