molish a pyramid of jelly, which stood before him, and
to send some of it to the captain.

This was enough: he began with Egypt, and went on increasing in the
number and magnitude of his lies, in proportion as we applauded them.
A short-hand writer ought to have been there, for no human memory
could do justice to this modern Munchausen. "Talking of the water of
the Nile," said he, "I remember, when I was first lieutenant of the
_Bellerophon_ I went into Minorca with only six tons of water, and in
four hours we had three hundred and fifty tons on board, all stowed
away. I made all hands work. The admiral himself was up to the neck
in water, with the rest of them. 'D----n it, admiral,' says I, 'no
skulking.' Well--we sailed the next day; and such a gale of wind I
never saw in all my life--away went all our masts, and we had nearly
been swamped with the weather-roll. One of the boats was blown off the
booms, and went clean out of sight before it touched the water. You
may laugh at that, but that was nothing to the _Swallow_ sloop of
war. She was in company with us; she wanted to scud for it, but, by
Jupiter, she was blown two miles up the country--guns, men, and all;
and the next morning they found her flying jib-boom had gone through
the church-window, and slap into the cheek of the picture of the
Virgin Mary. The natives all swore it was done on purpose by d----d
heretics. The captain was forced to arm his men, and march them all
down to the beach, giving the ship up to the people, who were so
exasperated that they set her on fire, and never thought of the powder
which was on board. All the priests were in their robes, singing some
stuff or another, to purify the church; but that was so much time
thrown away, for in one moment away went church, priests, pictures,
and people, all to the devil together."

Here he indulged himself in some vile language and scurrilous abuse of
religion and its ministers. All priests were hypocritical scoundrels.
If he was to be of any religion at all, he said, he should prefer
being a Roman Catholic, "because, then, you know," added he, "a
man may sin as much as he likes, and rub off as he goes, for a few
shillings. I got my commission by religion, d----n me. I found my old
admiral was a psalm-singer; so says I, 'my old boy, I'll give you
enough of that,' so I made the boatswain stuff me a hassock, and this
I carried with me every where, that I might save my trowsers, and not
hurt my knees