t unfortunately, both for
him and for me, he had a helpmate, and her peculiarly unfortunate
disposition was the means of corrupting those morals over which it was
her duty to have watched with the most assiduous care. _Her_ ruling
passions were suspicion and avarice, written in legible characters
in her piercing eyes and sharp-pointed nose. She never supposed
us capable of telling the truth, so we very naturally never gave
ourselves the trouble to cultivate a useless virtue, and seldom
resorted to it unless it answered our purpose better than a lie. This
propensity of Mrs Higginbottom converted our candour and honesty into
deceit and fraud. Never believed, we cared little about the accuracy
of our assertions; half-starved, through her meanness and parsimony,
we were little scrupulous as to the ways and means, provided we could
satisfy our hunger; and thus we soon became as great adepts in the
elegant accomplishments of lying and thieving, under her tuition, as
we did in Greek and Latin under that of her husband.

A large orchard, fields, garden, and poultry-yard, attached to
the establishment, were under the care and superintendence of the
mistress, who usually selected one of the boys as her prime minister
and confidential adviser. This boy, for whose education his parents
were paying some sixty or eighty pounds per annum, was permitted to
pass his time in gathering up the windfalls; in watching the hens,
and bringing in their eggs, when their cackling throats had announced
their safe accouchement; looking after the broods of young ducks and
chickens, _et hoc genus omne_; in short, doing the duty of what is
usually termed the odd man in the farmyard. How far the parents would
have been satisfied with this arrangement, I leave my readers to
guess; but to us who preferred the manual to mental exertion,
exercise to restraint, and any description of cultivation to that of
cultivating the mind, it suited extremely well; and accordingly no
place in the gift of government was ever the object of such solicitude
and intrigue, as was to us schoolboys the situation of collector and
trustee of the eggs and apples.

I had the good fortune to be early selected for this important post,
and the misfortune to lose it soon after, owing to the cunning and
envy of my schoolfellows and the suspicion of my employers. On my
first coming into office, I had formed the most sincere resolutions of
honesty and vigilance; but what are good resol