life!

Chapter II

Injuries may be atoned for and forgiven; but insults admit of no
compensation. They degrade the mind in its own esteem, and force
it to recover its level by revenge.--JUNIUS.

There are certain events in our lives poetically and beautifully
described by Moore, as "green spots in memory's waste." Such are the
emotions arising from the attainment, after a long pursuit, of any
darling object of love or ambition; and although possession and
subsequent events may have proved to us that we had overrated our
enjoyment, and experience have shown us "that all is vanity," still,
recollection dwells with pleasure upon the beating heart, when the
present only was enjoyed, and the picture painted by youthful and
sanguine anticipation in glowing and delightful colours. Youth only
can feel this; age has been often deceived--too often has the fruit
turned to ashes in the mouth. The old look forward with a distrust and
doubt, and backward with sorrow and regret.

One of the red-letter days of my life, was that on which I first
mounted the uniform of a midshipman. My pride and ecstacy were beyond
description. I had discarded the school and school-boy dress, and,
with them, my almost stagnant existence. Like the chrysalis changed
into a butterfly, I fluttered about as if to try my powers; and felt
myself a gay and beautiful creature, free to range over the wide
domains of nature, clear of the trammels of parents or schoolmasters;
and my heart bounded within me at the thoughts of being left to enjoy
at my own discretion, the very acme of all the pleasure that human
existence could afford; and I observe that in this, as in most other
cases, I met with that disappointment which usually attends us. True
it is, that in the days of my youth, I did enjoy myself. I was happy
for a time, if happiness it could be called; but dearly have I
paid for it. I contracted a debt, which I have been liquidating by
instalments ever since; nor am I yet emancipated. Even the small
portion of felicity that fell to my lot on this memorable morning was
brief in duration, and speedily followed by chagrin.

But to return to my uniform. I had arrayed myself in it; my dirk was
belted round my waist; a cocked-hat, of an enormous size, stuck on my
head; and, being perfectly satisfied with my own appearance, at the
last survey which I had made in the glass, I first rang for the
chambermaid, under pretence of telling her to mak