"

_I.L.B_. "IS THAT ALL? WELL, I'LL SPEAK TO DADDY, AND I'M SURE HE'LL
FIX THAT UP ALL RIGHT."]

* * * * *

A GENTLE HINT.

The Corps Commander paced thoughtfully down the street of a
half-ruined village in France and his thoughts were pleasant; for he
alone amongst all other Corps Commanders was the owner of a cow. There
was no other cow in the whole army nearer than G.H.Q., and he pictured
the envy of brother Generals when he invited them to come in and have
a glass of milk.

The Assistant Provost-Marshal stood at his office window and gazed
out upon his garden. His thoughts were also pleasant, for the garden
belonged to him by right of billet law, and in the garden grew
strawberries rich and ripe.

The A.P.M. pictured the envy of brother A.P.M.'s when he should ask
them to a strawberry feast.

The Corps Commander's thoughtful wanderings took him by chance through
the A.P.M.'s garden, and as he walked he stooped now and again and
picked some of the sacred fruit.

The A.P.M. swelled with impotent anger, for the Corps Commander was
known to be "hot stuff," and nobody had told him "not to do it" for a
very long time.

That night the A.P.M. sought the company of his friend the R.E.
officer and told his troubles.

The R.E. officer had been a journalist before the War and had learnt
to say and write rude things without offence. He was also the owner of
wood and paint and brushes.

The next morning a large notice-board reared its head above the
scarlet fruit of the strawberry bed:--

ANYONE FOUND PICKING THESE STRAWBERRIES
WILL HAVE HIS COW SHOT.

* * * * *

"Express Train to the Orient.

The itinerary will include London, Paris, Vallorbe, Lausanne,
the Simpleton, Milan, Trieste and beyond. The first train is
fixed to leave Paris on April 15."--_Provincial Paper_.

"All Fools' Day" would have been more appropriate for the "Simpleton"
route.

* * * * *

The following advertisement appeared in a French provincial paper:--

"TAKE KERE!

Ask always the interchanging thooth made by this inventors in
this mastery. The interchanging tooth is able for any people
and it is very good and not dear.

The imperfections of the mouth, resulting of a bad dentition,
are stricken away by the application of the interchanging
Thooth. That toolh it is not expensive and yo