u can changed
in five minutes if it broked.

Gives you all guarontees of perfect natural immitation.
ENGLISH SPOKEN."

But, as you may have remarked, not invariably written.

* * * * *

[Illustration: CRAMPING HIS STYLE.

BRITISH LION: "I'M GETTING A BIT TIRED OF THIS LADY. AFTER ALL, I _AM_
A LION, AND NOT AN ASS."]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

_Monday, March 31st._--Colonel WILLIAM THORNE has the credit of
eliciting from the Government the most hopeful statement about Peace
which has yet been made. To the hon. and gallant Member's suggestion
that May 1st should be declared a general holiday, if Peace was signed
before that date, Mr. BONAR LAW replied that it would be considered.

It is fortunate that the PARLIAMENTARY SECRETARY TO THE BOARD OF TRADE
possesses a most imperturbable character. He is daily bombarded with
the most diverse questions regarding the effects of the Government's
fiscal policy. The paper manufacturers are being ruined because
paper is being allowed in; export traders are suffering because glass
bottles are kept out; the textile trades cannot compete with their
foreign rivals because of the high price of olive-oil. But for all
inquirers Mr. BRIDGEMAN has a soft answer, delivered in level tones,
discouraging further catechism.

A delightful inconsistency is one of Lord HENRY CAVENDISH-BENTINCK'S
many claims upon the affection of the House. Not long ago he wrote a
book in praise of Toryism as a democratic creed; so it was perfectly
natural that when Mr. CECIL HARMSWORTH (a Coalition Liberal) had
explained that law and order must be restored before an inquiry could
usefully be held into the causes of the Egyptian riots Lord HENRY
should burst out with, "When will my hon. friend begin to apply
Liberal principles?"

Mr. BOTTOMLEY is the latest convert to "P.R.," as the result of a
mock-election in which he came out top of the poll, with the PRIME
MINISTER second, Mr. HOGGE third, and Messrs. BALFOUR and ASQUITH
among the "also ran;" but Mr. BONAR LAW, who can be very dense when he
likes, did not see in that an argument for the general adoption of the
system.

The "Wee Frees" made a last and unavailing attempt to defeat the new
Military Service Bill. Mr. GEORGE THORNE, Major HAYWARD and others
made great play with the PRIME MINISTER'S "No Conscription" pledge,
and Mr. NEWBOULD in a maiden speech declared th