eve what I choose."

"You are bold," said the youth, "as I've mentioned before,
Yet you frequently talk through your hat;
For you told us the English were worthless in war;
Pray what was the reason of that?"

"In my earlier days," said his sire, "through and through
I studied that decadent race,
And in failing to prove that my forecast was true
They have covered themselves with disgrace."

"You are bold," said the youth, "and the Nietzschean creed
Cries, 'Down with the humble and meek;'
Yet the sack of Louvain made your bosom to bleed;
Why were you so painfully weak?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I studied the Arts
With a zeal that no force could restrain;
And the love of mankind which that study imparts
Has made me unduly humane."

"You _were_ bold," said the youth, "but it seems to be clear
That you're losing your grit and your fire;
And, if I may whisper the hint in your ear,
Don't you think that you ought to retire?"

"I've answered three questions," the KAISER replied,
"That might baffle the wit of a ZANCIG;
I'm tired of your talk and I'm sick of your 'side':
Be off, or I'll send you to Danzig."

* * * * *

THE WAY OF THE TURK.

The position of Turkey is muddled and murky,
But the course she's resolved to pursue
Is true to her mind, which we constantly find
_A l'Enver(s) et contre tous._

* * * * *

"The Hun and the Tartar stand together--_par mobile patrum_."

_Newcastle Daily Journal._

We cannot speak with equal confidence of the head of the Tartars, but
the KAISER certainly makes a very mobile parent.

* * * * *

Illustration: _Cavalry Instructor_ (_to nervous Recruit_). "NOW THEN;
NONE O' THEM COSSACK STUNTS 'ERE."

* * * * *

THE WATCH DOGS.

VII.

Dear Charles,--We haven't gone yet. Upon my word, we don't know what to
do about it. We start off for the Continent and then we halt and ask
ourselves, "Won't they be wanting us to go to Egypt and have a word with
the enemy there?" So we come back and change our underclothes and start
out again; but we haven't got far before a persistent subaltern starts a
scare about invasions. At that we halt again and have a pow-wow. Thick
underclothes for the Continent; thin underclothes for Egypt, but what
underclothes for home