pen to be
able, fortuitously, to talk French. They are--(1) Dr. Anderson, whose
French is very good; (2) my wife, who is amazingly fluent in a crisis,
though her constructions simply don't bear thinking of; (3) the
school-master, who is weak; (4) the joiner, who is bad; (5) myself, who
am awful. Several of our Refugees talk French.

Of course we all have pocket-dictionaries, but even they don't always
help us out. I found my wife once engaged in a desperate hand-to-hand
encounter with the one who does the cooking about some household
necessity that was sadly lacking. She was completely baffled. It was
pure stalemate, a deadlock. I pulled out my dictionary and suggested to
the cook (by illuminative signs) that she should look it up and point to
the English word. There was some rejoicing at this, and she at once
called upon the collective wisdom of her whole family. At last they got
it with much nodding of heads and exhibited the book, buttressed with an
eager finger at the place. And we looked and read "A young gold-finch;"
so you will see that that didn't help us much. It was only by the almost
miraculous emergence of the word _Fat_ in the course of their own
private conversation shortly afterwards that light came to us.

That they are quite at a loss to understand the meaning of honey in the
comb did not greatly surprise us--though it was rather queer--but the
Parish is deeply distressed at their total ignorance of oatmeal. They
are quite at sea there, and so far have only employed it for baiting a
bird-trap: and that touches us closely, for the very foundation of our
being in these parts is oatmeal. Even their beautiful devotion to
vegetables of all sorts cannot, we feel, compensate for their attitude
of negation towards this very staple of existence. There is a strong
party among us bent on their conversion. We hope with all our hearts
that they will be comfortable and contented among us till the day comes
when they can return to their own country; and we feel that their exile
will not have been entirely wasted if they have learned to appreciate
the purpose fulfilled by porridge in the Divine Order of things.

* * * * *

Illustration: WORD PERFECT.

_Sentry_ (_on duty for first time_). "'ALT! WHO GOES THERE? ADVANCE TO
WITHIN FIVE PACES, AND GIVE THE COUNTERSIGN 'WATERLOO.'"

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks