*

The language at Billingsgate, according to Sir E.E. COOPER, is much
better than it used to be. Fish porters invariably say "Excuse me"
before throwing a length of obsolete eel at a colleague.

* * *

In the event of a miners' strike arrangements have been made for the
staff of the Ministry of Transport to sleep at the office. It would be
more wise, we think, if they remained wide awake.

* * *

A feature of the new motor charabanc will be the space for passengers'
luggage. This is just what is wanted, as it so easily gets broken even
if the corks don't come out.

* * *

A message from Allahabad states that the appointment of Mr. WINSTON
CHURCHILL as Viceroy of India would be very popular. Unfortunately
they omit to say where it would be popular.

* * *

"Drink is Scotland's greatest sin," said a Prohibitionist speaker at
Glasgow. The gentleman does not seem to have heard of haggis.

* * *

Asked what he would have, a Scotsman, taking advantage of its high
price, replied, "A small petrol, please."

* * *

The National Gallery with its three thousand pictures is practically
priceless, we are informed. This probably accounts for the fact that
the hall-porter invariably takes visitors' umbrellas as security.

* * *

What is now wanted, says a contemporary, is a good spell of fine
weather. We feel that no good can be done by rubbing it in like this.
_The Daily Mail_ is doing its best.

* * *

We understand, by the way, that _The Daily Mail_ has definitely
decided not to offer a prize of a hundred pounds for a new world, but
to leave the matter entirely in the hands of Mr. LLOYD GEORGE.

* * *

The Astronomical Correspondent of _The Times_ suggests that the new
star may have been produced through a sun being struck by a comet.
This raises the question as to whether suns ought not to carry rear
lights.

* * *

There is some talk of a series of week-end summers being arranged for
next year.

* * *

"If necessary I will walk from John-o'-Groats to Land's End,
distributing propaganda literature all the way," announced a
well-known strike agitator at a recent conference. Personally we do
not mind if he does, provided that when he reaches Land's End he
continues to walk in the same direction.

* * *

According to a weekly journal the art of camouflage played a most
important part in recent naval warfare. It i