ntague to favour me with
her company on the road, it would make me abundantly more easy in the
thoughts of carrying into effect a resolution which I had not come to,
although so driven, but with the utmost reluctance and concern; and
which would throw such a slur upon my reputation in the eye of the
world, as perhaps I should never be able to wipe off.'

This was the purport of what I wrote; and down into the garden I slid
with it in the dark, which at another time I should not have had the
courage to do; and deposited it, and came up again unknown to any body.

My mind so dreadfully misgave me when I returned, that, to divert in
some measure my increasing uneasiness, I had recourse to my private pen;
and in a very short time ran this length.

And now, that I am come to this part, my uneasy reflections begin again
to pour in upon me. Yet what can I do?--I believe I shall take it back
again the first thing in the morning--Yet what can I do?

And who knows but they may have a still earlier day in their intention,
than that which will too soon come?

I hope to deposit this early in the morning for you, as I shall return
from resuming my letter, if I do resume it as my inwardest mind bids me.

Although it is now near two o'clock, I have a good mind to slide down
once more, in order to take back my letter. Our doors are always locked
and barred up at eleven; but the seats of the lesser hall-windows being
almost even with the ground without, and the shutters not difficult to
open, I could easily get out.

Yet why should I be thus uneasy, since, should the letter go, I can
but hear what Mr. Lovelace says to it? His aunts live at too great a
distance for him to have an immediate answer from them; so I can scruple
going to them till I have invitation. I can insist upon one of his
cousins meeting me in the chariot; and may he not be able to obtain
that favour from either of them. Twenty things may happen to afford me
a suspension at least: Why should I be so very uneasy?--When likewise
I can take back my letter early, before it is probable he will have the
thought of finding it there. Yet he owns he spends three parts of his
days, and has done for this fortnight past, in loitering about sometimes
in one disguise, sometimes in another, besides the attendance given by
his trusty servant when he himself is not in waiting, as he calls it.

But these strange forebodings!--Yet I can, if you advise, cause the
chariot he shall br