ather's will has given me! He, good gentleman,
left me that estate, as a reward of my duty, and not to set me above
it, as has been justly hinted to me: and this reflection makes me more
fearful of not answering the intention of so valuable a bequest.--Oh!
that my friends knew but my heart!--Would but think of it as they used
to do!--For once more, I say, If it deceive me not, it is not altered,
although theirs are!

Would but your mother permit you to send her chariot, or chaise, to the
bye-place where Mr. Lovelace proposes Lord M.'s shall come, (provoked,
intimidated, and apprehensive, as I am,) I would not hesitate a moment
what to do. Place me any where, as I have said before--in a cot, in a
garret; any where--disguised as a servant--or let me pass as a servant's
sister--so that I may but escape Mr. Solmes on one hand, and the
disgrace of refuging with the family of a man at enmity with my own,
on the other; and I shall be in some measure happy!--Should your
good mother refuse me, what refuge, or whose, can I fly to?--Dearest
creature, advise your distressed friend.

*****

I broke off here--I was so excessively uneasy, that I durst not trust
myself with my own reflections. I therefore went down to the garden, to
try to calm my mind, by shifting the scene. I took but one turn upon the
filbert-walk, when Betty came to me. Here, Miss, is your papa--here
is your uncle Antony--here is my young master--and my young mistress,
coming to take a walk in the garden; and your papa sends me to see where
you are, for fear he should meet you.

I struck into an oblique path, and got behind the yew-hedge, seeing my
sister appear; and there concealed myself till they were gone past me.

My mother, it seems is not well. My poor mother keeps her
chamber--should she be worse, I should have an additional unhappiness,
in apprehension that my reputed undutifulness had touched her heart.

You cannot imagine what my emotions were behind the yew-hedge, on seeing
my father so near me. I was glad to look at him through the hedge as he
passed by: but I trembled in every joint, when I heard him utter these
words: Son James, to you, and to you Bella, and to you, Brother, do I
wholly commit this matter. That I was meant, I cannot doubt. And yet,
why was I so affected; since I may be said to have been given up to the
cruelty of my brother and sister for many days past?

*****

While my father remained in the garden, I sent my dutif