other or a father or a mother who had not
been "comme il faut," I should have declared it to be a great misfortune
for us, and announced that between myself and them there could never
be anything in common. Yet neither waste of the golden hours which
I consumed in constantly endeavouring to observe the many arduous,
unattainable conditions of "comme il faut"-ness (to the exclusion of any
more serious pursuit), nor dislike of and contempt for nine-tenths of
the human race, nor disregard of all the beauty that lay outside the
narrow circle of "comme il faut"-ness comprised the whole of the evil
which the idea wrought in me. The chief evil of all lay in the notion
acquired that a man need not strive to become a tchinovnik, [Official.]
a coachbuilder, a soldier, a savant, or anything useful, so long only
as he was "comme il faut "--that by attaining the latter quality he had
done all that was demanded of him, and was even superior to most people.

Usually, at a given period in youth, and after many errors and excesses,
every man recognises the necessity of his taking an active part in
social life, and chooses some branch of labour to which to devote
himself. Only with the "comme il faut" man does this rarely happen.
I have known, and know, very, very many people--old, proud,
self-satisfied, and opinionated--who to the question (if it should ever
present itself to them in their world) "Who have you been, and what have
you ever done?" would be unable to reply otherwise than by saying,

"Je fus un homme tres comme il faut,"

Such a fate was awaiting myself.

XXXII. YOUTH

Despite the confusion of ideas raging in my head, I was at least young,
innocent, and free that summer--consequently almost happy.

Sometimes I would rise quite early in the morning, for I slept on the
open verandah, and the bright, horizontal beams of the morning sun would
wake me up. Dressing myself quickly, I would tuck a towel and a French
novel under my arm, and go off to bathe in the river in the shade of
a birch tree which stood half a verst from the house. Next, I would
stretch myself on the grass and read--raising my eyes from time to time
to look at the surface of the river where it showed blue in the shade
of the trees, at the ripples caused by the first morning breeze, at the
yellowing field of rye on the further bank, and at the bright-red sheen
of the sunlight as it struck lower and lower down the white trunks of
the birch-trees whic