countable trepidation. Woloda's enthusiasm, however (for the
presence of an audience never prevented him from giving vent to his
rapture), communicated itself to me so strongly that I also became
enamoured of the lady. Yet, conscious that he would not be pleased to
know that two brothers were in love with the same girl, I never told him
of my condition. On the contrary, I took special delight in the thought
that our mutual love for her was so pure that, though its object was, in
both cases, the same charming being, we remained friends and ready, if
ever the occasion should arise, to sacrifice ourselves for one another.
Yet I have an idea that, as regards self-sacrifice, he did not quite
share my views, for he was so passionately in love with the lady that
once he was for giving a member of the diplomatic corps, who was said
to be going to marry her, a slap in the face and a challenge to a duel;
but, for my part, I would gladly have sacrificed my feelings for his
sake, seeing that the fact that the only remark I had ever addressed to
her had been on the subject of the dignity of classical music, and that
my passion, for all my efforts to keep it alive, expired the following
week, would have rendered it the more easy for me to do so.

XXXVIII. THE WORLD

As regards those worldly delights to which I had intended, on entering
the University, to surrender myself in imitation of my brother, I
underwent a complete disillusionment that winter. Woloda danced a great
deal, and Papa also went to balls with his young wife, but I appeared
to be thought either too young or unfitted for such delights, and no one
invited me to the houses where balls were being given. Yet, in spite of
my vow of frankness with Dimitri, I never told him (nor any one else)
how much I should have liked to go to those dances, and how I felt hurt
at being forgotten and (apparently) taken for the philosopher that I
pretended to be.

Nevertheless, a reception was to be given that winter at the Princess
Kornakoff's, and to it she sent us personal invitations--to myself among
the rest! Consequently, I was to attend my first ball. Before starting,
Woloda came into my room to see how I was dressing myself--an act on
his part which greatly surprised me and took me aback. In my opinion (it
must be understood) solicitude about one's dress was a shameful thing,
and should be kept under, but he seemed to think it a thing so natural
and necessary that he said out