e
false. After all this, is life worth the trouble? And yet we live--out
of curiosity! We expect something new... How absurd, and yet how
vexatious!

CHAPTER XIX

IT is now a month and a half since I have been in the N----Fortress.

Maksim Maksimych is out hunting... I am alone. I am sitting by the
window. Grey clouds have covered the mountains to the foot; the sun
appears through the mist as a yellow spot. It is cold; the wind is
whistling and rocking the shutters... I am bored!... I will continue my
diary which has been interrupted by so many strange events.

I read the last page over: how ridiculous it seems!... I thought to die;
it was not to be. I have not yet drained the cup of suffering, and now I
feel that I still have long to live.

How clearly and how sharply have all these bygone events been stamped
upon my memory! Time has not effaced a single line, a single shade.

I remember that during the night preceding the duel I did not sleep a
single moment. I was not able to write for long: a secret uneasiness
took possession of me. For about an hour I paced the room, then I sat
down and opened a novel by Walter Scott which was lying on my table. It
was "The Scottish Puritans." [301] At first I read with an effort; then,
carried away by the magical fiction, I became oblivious of everything
else.

At last day broke. My nerves became composed. I looked in the glass:
a dull pallor covered my face, which preserved the traces of harassing
sleeplessness; but my eyes, although encircled by a brownish shadow,
glittered proudly and inexorably. I was satisfied with myself.

I ordered the horses to be saddled, dressed myself, and ran down to the
baths. Plunging into the cold, sparkling water of the Narzan Spring, I
felt my bodily and mental powers returning. I left the baths as fresh
and hearty as if I was off to a ball. After that, who shall say that the
soul is not dependent upon the body!...

On my return, I found the doctor at my rooms. He was wearing grey
riding-breeches, a jacket and a Circassian cap. I burst out laughing
when I saw that little figure under the enormous shaggy cap. Werner
has a by no means warlike countenance, and on that occasion it was even
longer than usual.

"Why so sad, doctor?" I said to him. "Have you not a hundred times, with
the greatest indifference, escorted people to the other world? Imagine
that I have a bilious fever: I may get well; also, I may die; both are
in the usual