salaried Maniac from France is hitting up 42
miles an Hour, will tell you that the hind end of a Motor Vehicle is no
good Trysting Place for an Engaged Couple.

Bernice would get home after one of these wild swoops into the realm of
the Death Angel, and totter to her room and lie down, and murmur: "I
wonder what ailed Kenneth to-day. He seemed Preoccupied."

That Same Evening, just when she needed Smelling Salts and Absolute
Quiet, her enthusiastic Father would have Fiance up to Dinner and pull
the same stale Repertoire and splash around in the Oil and Vinegar.

If any Guests were present, then Father would play Introducer and tell
them beforehand how good Kenneth was.

When given his Cue, the Lad would swell up and spring a hot One about
the Swede and the Irishman, while Bernice would fuss with the Salt and
wonder dimly if the Future had aught in store for her except Dialect
Stuff.

Father had read on a Blotter somewhere that Absence makes the Heart
grow fonder, so he played his System with the Reverse English.
He arranged a nice long trip by Land and Water and took the male
Sweetheart along, so that the Doting Pair could be together at
Breakfast.

His cunning had now become diabolical. He was getting ready to apply
the Supreme Test.

Every Morning, when Bernice looked over her Baked Apple she saw nothing
in this wide World except Kenneth, still reeking of Witch Hazel and
spotted with Talcum Powder, and not very long on Sparkling
Conversation.

When he was propped up in the cold Dawn, with his eyes partially open,
he did not resemble a Royal Personage nearly as much as he had in some
of his earlier Photographs.

Father would order soft-boiled Eggs to be Eaten from the Shell. When
Kenneth got around to these, he would cease to be a Romantic Figure for
at least a few Minutes. Bernice would turn away in dread and look out
at the swaying Trees and long to see some of her Girl Friends back
home.

After Kenneth had been served to her, three meals a day, for two Weeks
and they had ridden together for Ages and Ages, in Pullman
Compartments, she made certain horrible Discoveries.

One of his Ears was larger than the other.

He made a funny noise with his Adam's Apple when drinking Hot Coffee.

When he was annoyed, he bit his nails.

When suffering from a Cold, he was Sniffy.

The first time she became aware of the slight discrepancy in Ears, she
suffered only a slight Annoyance. It handed her a tiny P