tell _what_ to do to please a man!"

Giving up the helm of the boat to one's wife, is an exceedingly ordinary
idea, and would hardly deserve the qualification of "triumphant," which
we have given it at the commencement of this chapter, if it were not
accompanied by that of taking it back again. Adolphe was seduced by a
wish, which invariably seizes persons who are the prey of misfortune, to
know how far an evil will go!--to try how much damage fire will do when
left to itself, the individual possessing, or thinking he possesses,
the power to arrest it. This curiosity pursues us from the cradle to the
grave. Then, after his plethora of conjugal felicity, Adolphe, who is
treating himself to a farce in his own house, goes through the following
phases:

FIRST EPOCH. Things go on altogether too well. Caroline buys little
account books to keep a list of her expenses in, she buys a nice little
piece of furniture to store her money in, she feeds Adolphe superbly,
she is happy in his approbation, she discovers that very many articles
are needed in the house. It is her ambition to be an incomparable
housekeeper. Adolphe, who arrogates to himself the right of censorship,
no longer finds the slightest suggestion to make.

When he dresses himself, everything is ready to his hands. Not even in
Armide's garden was more ingenious tenderness displayed than that of
Caroline. For her phoenix husband, she renews the wax upon his razor
strap, she substitutes new suspenders for old ones. None of his
button-holes are ever widowed. His linen is as well cared for as that of
the confessor of the devotee, all whose sins are venial. His stockings
are free from holes. At table, his tastes, his caprices even, are
studied, consulted: he is getting fat! There is ink in his inkstand,
and the sponge is always moist. He never has occasion to say, like
Louis XIV, "I came near having to wait!" In short, he hears himself
continually called _a love of a man_. He is obliged to reproach Caroline
for neglecting herself: she does not pay sufficient attention to her own
needs. Of this gentle reproach Caroline takes note.

SECOND EPOCH. The scene changes, at table. Everything is exceedingly
dear. Vegetables are beyond one's means. Wood sells as if it came from
Campeche. Fruit? Oh! as to fruit, princes, bankers and great lords alone
can eat it. Dessert is a cause of ruin. Adolphe often hears Caroline say
to Madame Deschars: "How do you manage?" Conferences a