ervants who were laying the tables objected to my presence,
but on my explaining I had been sent to do it, they allowed me without
interruption to lay a copy of the precious document on each of the five
hundred plates. I had barely concluded this arduous duty when the bell
commenced to ring, and the fellows in twos and threes began to drop in.
It was all I could do to affect unconsciousness, as from a modest
retreat near the door I marked the effect of the announcement on Low
Heath generally. At first there was a note of surprise; then, as one
after another read on, a titter, and finally a general laugh, which was
only checked by the entrance of the masters and the call to grace.

I had--being a stranger to the place--distributed my favours among the
masters quite as liberally as among the boys, and presently, with
horror, perceived Dr England rise in his place with his copy in his
hand.

"Whew!" whistled Langrish, "there's a row on, I fancy."

"Serve you right if there is," said Trimble. "Why ever did you put them
on _that_ table?"

"How was I to know?" groaned I.

"What boy," said the doctor, when silence prevailed, "what boy has been
putting this foolish paper round the hall?"

Oh dear! How I wished I was safe at home!

"Please, sir, I did," said I, rising meekly in my place.

"Your name?"

"Jones iv., please, sir."

"Then come at once, Jones iv., and collect them again, every one, and
write out two hundred lines. Let dinner proceed now."

If the object of the promoters of the Philosophical Conversation Club
had been cheap advertisement, they must have been amply gratified.
Hercules never performed any labour equal to mine that afternoon. The
masters handed me up their copies gravely and reproachfully; but the Low
Heathens generally made sport of my misery. Scarcely one in ten would
part with his rare broadside, and those who did made it manifest that
they had the contents by heart. The unfortunate "misprint" of my
Christian name, moreover, was the occasion for much ribald comment.

When, finally, I reached the quarters of my own particular comrades, I
received more kicks than papers. They were unkind enough to say I had
mulled the whole thing, and to promise me untold penalties when they got
me in the privacy of the faggery.

At last, when the pudding was almost vanishing, I sat down to my hard-
earned meal. But it mattered little, for I could have eaten nothing.

Be that as it may, the Ph