you, and if he doesn't go soon but is used in Berlin at the Staff Head
Quarters, as he says now perhaps he may be for a while, I won't stay
with the Koseritzes, but go back to Frau Berg's for as long as Bernd is
in Berlin, and the day he leaves I start for Switzerland.

I don't know what is happening, but the Koseritzes have suddenly turned
different to me. They're making me feel more and more uncomfortable
and strange. And there's a gloom about them and the people who have
been here today that sets me wondering whether their war plans after
all are rolling along quite as smoothly as they thought. I never did
quite believe the Koseritzes liked me, any of them, and now I'm sure
they don't. Tonight at dinner the Graf's face was a thunder-cloud, and
actually the Colonel, who hasn't been all day but came in late for
dinner and went again immediately, didn't speak to me once. Hardly
looked at me when he bowed, and his bow was the stiffest thing. I
can't ask anybody if there is bad news for Germany, for it would be a
most dreadful insult even to suggest there _could_ be bad news.
Besides, I feel as if I somehow were mixed up in whatever it is. Bernd
hasn't been since this morning. I shall go round to Frau Berg tomorrow
and ask her if I can have my old room. But oh, little beloved mother,
I feel torn in two! I want so dreadfully to get away, to go back to
you, and the thought of being at Frau Berg's, just waiting, waiting for
the tiny scraps of moments Bernd can come to me, fills me with horror.
And yet how can I leave him? I love him so. And once he has gone,
shall I ever see him again? If it weren't for him I'd have started for
Switzerland yesterday, the moment I heard about Kloster, for the whole
reason for my being in Berlin was only Kloster,

And now Kloster says he isn't going to teach me any more. Darling
mother, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but it's true. He sent
round a note this evening saying he regretted he couldn't continue the
lessons. Just that. Not another word. I can't make anything out any
more. I've got nobody but Bernd to ask, and I only see him in briefest
snatches. Of course I knew the lessons would be strange and painful
now, but I thought we could manage, Kloster and I, by excluding
everything but the bare teaching and learning, to go on and finish what
we've begun. He knows how important it is to me. He knows what this
journey here has meant to us, to you and me, the di