; Agathocles
the Stoic quarrelling with his disciples about the salary for
tuition; Clinias the orator stealing a phial out of the temple; not
to mention a thousand others, who were undermining walls, litigating
in the forum, extorting money, or lending it upon usury; a sight,
upon the whole, of wonderful variety.

FRIEND.

It must have been very entertaining; let us have it all, I desire.

MENIPPUS.

I had much ado to see, to relate it to you is impossible; it was
like Homer's shield, {173} on one side were feasting and nuptials,
on the other haranguing and decrees; here a sacrifice, and there a
burial; the Getae at war, the Scythians travelling in their
caravans, the Egyptians tilling their fields, the Phoenicians
merchandising, the Cilicians robbing and plundering, the Spartans
flogging their children, and the Athenians perpetually quarrelling
and going to law with one another.

When all this was doing, at the same time, you may conceive what a
strange medley this appeared to me; it was just as if a number of
dancers, or rather singers, were met together, and every one was
ordered to leave the chorus, and sing his own song, each striving to
drown the other's voice, by bawling as loud as he could; you may
imagine what kind of a concert this would make.

FRIEND.

Truly ridiculous and confused, no doubt.

MENIPPUS.

And yet such, my friend, are all the poor performers upon earth, and
of such is composed the discordant music of human life; the voices
not only dissonant and inharmonious, but the forms and habits all
differing from each other, moving in various directions, and
agreeing in nothing; till at length the great master {175a} of the
choir drives everyone of them from the stage, and tells him he is no
longer wanted there; then all are silent, and no longer disturb each
other with their harsh and jarring discord. But in this wide and
extensive theatre, full of various shapes and forms, everything was
matter of laughter and ridicule. Above all, I could not help
smiling at those who quarrel about the boundaries of their little
territory, and fancy themselves great because they occupy a
Sicyonian {175b} field, or possess that part of Marathon which
borders on Oenoe, or are masters of a thousand acres in Acharnae;
when after all, to me, who looked from above, Greece was but four
fingers in breadth, and Attica a very small portion of it indeed. I
could not but think how little these rich men had to be p