,
"Say, who puts out this... WOOF!?"

I was about to reply that we did not know, that we were only doing this
for money, when Marty suddenly blurted, "What WOOF!?" And in a flash we
were gone.

When I told Atmananda this story, he seemed pleased with me. He was
pleased with the large turn-outs at his public lectures, and he said I
was doing an impeccable job overseeing the ten or so WOOF! and poster
distribution volunteers. Perhaps it was in anticipation of unbridled
expansion that, using doubt-diffusing humor, he wrote and published the
"Cult Of The Gwid Spreads Throughout Rancho Bernardo" article (Issue
#6; March, 1981): "In a seemingly unstoppable tide of fanatic cultism,
proponents, adherents and admirers of the Gwid have firmly rooted
themselves in Rancho Bernardo and are expanding at an alarming rate.
The concerned people of Rancho Bernardo are helpless in the face of
such determined behavior and many have resigned themselves to their
fate and joined ranks with the lively followers of the Gwid... the Gwid
reassured and won the hearts of the entire Rancho Bernardo community
when he gave a public speech yesterday outlining his major beliefs and
ideals. Excerpts follow: 'I do not wish to own your sons and
daughters, merely to use them as a tax break. It is not the acquiring
of wealth that interests me, but rather the actual possession of it.
All else is useless to me unless it involves adventure, limber bodies,
cunning and chocolate... In closing, I stand for freedom, a cheese in
every hand, the dignity to live a free and happy life under my close
supervision... '"

As the month wore on, Atmananda often stopped by my room to perform
what he called "reality checks." This involved chatting and meditating
with me until my consciousness was "in a good place." He was probably
concerned that, as a member of his inner circle, I might unduly
influence his disciples. But I was too tired, too fearful of the
Negative Forces, and too busy coordinating WOOF! and poster
distribution teams to seriously reflect on or pose a threat to his
self-anointed position of power.

Occasionally, though, I did think about the change. But instead of
confronting guilt from having abandoned Chinmoy, and instead of
confronting doubts about Atmananda, I found it easier to laugh and
laugh at spiritual groups and the absurd things that they did.

12. Thwarted Escape

Months after the coup, Atmananda held late-night meetings l