t city, or, to use an Americanism, to "open the show."

* * * * *

There is a knock at the door.

[Illustration: HALL PORTER.]

It is the hall porter with a letter: an invitation to dine with the
members of the Clover Club at Philadelphia on Thursday next, the 16th.

I look at my list of engagements and find I am in Pittsburg on that day.

I take a telegraph form and pen the following, which I will send to my
friend, Major M. P. Handy, the president of this lively association:

Many thanks. Am engaged in Pittsburg on the 16th. Thank God, cannot
attend your dinner.

I remember how those "boys" cheeked me two years ago, laughed at me, sat
on me. That's my telegram to you, dear Cloverites, with my love.

[Illustration]

CHAPTER IV.

IMPRESSIONS OF AMERICAN HOTELS.

_Boston, January 6._

Arrived here this afternoon, and resumed acquaintance with American
hotels.

American hotels are all alike.

Some are worse.

Describe one and you have described them all.

On the ground floor, a large entrance hall strewed with cuspidores for
the men, and a side entrance provided with a triumphal arch for the
ladies. On this floor the sexes are separated as at the public baths.

[Illustration: THE SAD-EYED CLERK.]

In the large hall, a counter behind which solemn clerks, whose business
faces relax not a muscle, are ready with their book to enter your name
and assign you a number. A small army of colored porters ready to take
you in charge. Not a salute, not a word, not a smile of welcome. The
negro takes your bag and makes a sign that your case is settled. You
follow him. For the time being you lose your personality and become No.
375, as you would in jail. Don't ask questions; theirs not to answer;
don't ring the bell to ask for a favor, if you set any value on your
time. All the rules of the establishment are printed and posted in your
bedroom; you have to submit to them. No question to ask--you know
everything. Henceforth you will have to be hungry from 7 to 9 A.M.;
from 1 to 3 P.M.; from 6 to 8 P.M. The slightest infringement of the
routine would stop the wheel, so don't ask if you could have a meal at
four o'clock; you would be taken for a lunatic, or a crank (as they call
it in America).

Between meals you will be supplied with ice-water _ad libitum_.

No privacy. No coffee-room, no smoking-room. No place where you can go
and quietly sip a cup of coffee or