rom food and drink! And so he wrote that he had made his
discovery in the following manner. On his return from Alexandria he
went straight to his house, which Quintianus had by this time left.
There in the entrance-hall he came across a large quantity of birds'
feathers: the walls, moreover, were blackened with soot. He asked the
reason of this from the slave whom he had left at Oea, and the latter
informed him of the nocturnal rites carried out by myself and
Quintianus. What an ingenious lie! What a probable invention! That I,
had I wished to do anything of the sort, should have done it there
rather than in my own house! That Quintianus, who is supporting me
here to-day, and whom I mention with the greatest respect and honour
for the close love that binds him to me, for his deep erudition and
consummate eloquence, that this same Quintianus, supposing him to have
dined off some birds or, as they assert, killed them for magical
purposes, should have had no slave to sweep up the feathers and throw
them out of doors! Or further that the smoke should have been strong
enough to blacken the walls and that Quintianus should have suffered
such defacement of the room in which he slept, while it was still in
his occupation! Nonsense, Aemilianus! There is no probability in the
story, unless indeed Crassus on his return went not to the bedroom,
but after his fashion made straight for the kitchen. And what made
his slave suspect that the walls had been blackened by night in
particular? Was it the colour of the smoke? Does night smoke differ
from day smoke in being darker? And why did so suspicious and
conscientious a slave allow Quintianus to leave the house before
having it cleaned? Why did those feathers lie like lead and await the
arrival of Crassus for so long? Let not Crassus accuse his slave. It
is much more likely that he himself fabricated this mendacious
nonsense about feathers and soot, being unable even in his evidence to
divorce himself further from his kitchen.

59. And why did you read out this evidence from a written deposition?
Where in the world is Crassus? Has he returned to Alexandria out of
disgust at the state of his house? Is he washing his walls? or, as is
more likely, is the glutton feeling ill after his debauch? I myself
saw him yesterday here at Sabrata hiccoughing in your face,
Aemilianus, in the most conspicuous manner in the middle of the
market-place. Pray, Maximus, ask your slaves whose duty it is to k