r.

DICAEOPOLIS
But it cannot be sacrificed.

MEGARIAN
And why not?

DICAEOPOLIS
It has no tail.(1)

f(1) Sacrificial victims were bound to be perfect in every part; an animal,
therefore, without a tail could not be offered.

MEGARIAN
Because it is quite young, but in good time it will have a big one,
thick and red.

DICAEOPOLIS
The two are as like as two peas.

MEGARIAN
They are born of the same father and mother; let them be fattened,
let them grow their bristles, and they will be the finest sows you can
offer to Aphrodite.

DICAEOPOLIS
But sows are not immolated to Aphrodite.

MEGARIAN
Not sows to Aphrodite! Why, 'tis the only goddess to whom they
are offered! the flesh of my sows will be excellent on the spit.

DICAEOPOLIS
Can they eat alone? They no longer need their mother!

MEGARIAN
Certainly not, nor their father.

DICAEOPOLIS
What do they like most?

MEGARIAN
Whatever is given them; but ask for yourself.

DICAEOPOLIS
Speak! little sow.

DAUGHTER
Wee-wee, wee-wee!

DICAEOPOLIS
Can you eat chick-pease?

DAUGHTER
Wee-wee, wee-wee, wee-wee!

DICAEOPOLIS
And Attic figs?

DAUGHTER
Wee-wee, wee-wee!

DICAEOPOLIS
What sharp squeaks at the name of figs. Come, let some figs be
brought for these little pigs. Will they eat them? Goodness! how
they munch them, what a grinding of teeth, mighty Heracles! I
believe those pigs hail from the land of the Voracians. But surely
'tis impossible they have bolted all the figs!

MEGARIAN
Yes, certainly, bar this one that I took from them.

DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! what funny creatures! For what sum will you sell them?

MEGARIAN
I will give you one for a bunch of garlic, and the other, if you
like, for a quart measure of salt.

DICAEOPOLIS
I buy them of you. Wait for me here.

MEGARIAN
The deal is done. Hermes, god of good traders, grant I may sell
both my wife and my mother in the same way!

AN INFORMER
Hi! fellow, what countryman are you?

MEGARIAN
I am a pig-merchant from Megara.

INFORMER
I shall denounce both your pigs and yourself as public enemies.

MEGARIAN
Ah! here our troubles begin afresh!

INFORMER
Let go that sack. I will punish your Megarian lingo!(1)

f(1) The Megarians used the Doric dialect.

MEGARIAN
Dicaeopolis, Dicaeopolis, they want to denounce me.

DICAEOPOLIS
Who dares do this thing? Inspectors, drive out the informer