ersuasive tongue that gained for him the
trusting confidence of his victims almost before he himself knew that he
meant to victimise them.

They tell me he is now established somewhere in the West of America.
Wherever he goes he is sure to be popular--for a time.

Goodbye, dear old PLAU!
I hope I haven't bored you.
Yours trustfully,
DIOGENES ROBINSON.

* * * * *

A WILDE "TAG" TO A TAME PLAY.

SCENE--_A Theatre with Audience and Company complete. The former
"smart" and languidly enthusiastic, the last wearily looking forward to
the final "Curtain." The last Act is all but over._

_Servant_ (_to_ Countess). The Duchess of BATTERSEA is in the Hall. May she
come up?

_Countess._ Certainly. Why did you not show her up at once?

_Servant_ (_arranging his powdered hair in a glass_). Because in cases of
exposure her Grace is quite equal to showing up herself!

_Countess_ (_smiling_). You are cynical, JOHN. Do you not know that
cynicism is the birthright of fools, and, when discovered, is more than
half found out?

_Servant_ (_taking up coal scuttle_). Like the hair of your Lady-ship--out
of curl! [_Exit._

_Countess._ A quaint conceit; but here is my husband. Let me avoid him. A
married man is quite out of date--save when he forms the subject of his own
obituary. [_Exit._

_A pause. Enter the_ Duchess of BATTERSEA.

_Duchess._ Dear me! No one here! So I might have brought the Duke with me,
after all! And yet he is so fond of the petticoats. He loses his head when
he begins kissing his hand. And I lose my head when I fail to catch a
'buss. A kiss with him and a 'buss with me--where's the difference?

_Enter_ Earl PENNYPLAINE.

_Earl_ (_angrily_). You here!

_Duchess_ (_with an appealing gesture_). You are not pleased to see me! You
regard me as an adventuress! You are ashamed of my past! A past unblessed
by a clergyman--in fact, a past without a pastor!

_Earl._ Begone! Do not dare to darken my doors again. This is no home for
old jokes!

_Duchess._ You must hear me. Do you know why I have treated you so badly?
Do you know why I have taught your wife to regard me as a rival? Why I have
blackmailed you to the tune of hundreds of thousands of pounds? Do you know
why I have done all this and more? I will tell you. Because I am your
Mother-in-law!

_