ith cigars and coffee to follow. I couldn't think of
joining the Army unless I had the same.

_Sergeant K._ (_with suppressed emotion_). If it must be so, then it must.
Who's to pay the piper, _I_ don't know! The Public, I suppose.

_P. R._ I should think so! Then as to drills. Really the number of these
useless formalities should be largely decreased, and the hours at which
they are held should be fixed with greater regard to the convenience of
private soldiers. By the bye, of course I need hardly mention that I should
not dream of enlisting unless it was agreed that I should never be called
before 9.30 A.M. My early cup of tea and shaving-water might be brought to
me at nine.

_Sergeant K._ (_after an interval_). Called! Early cup of tea! Shaving-
water! Oh, this is _too_ much!

_P.R._ (_coolly_). Not at all, my dear Sir, not half enough. There are
other points I wish to mention. For example, do you allow feather-beds?

_Sergeant K._ Feather-beds!

_P.R._ Yes. A _sine qua non_, I assure you. Then as to pay and pensions,
and length of service. I would only accept an engagement by the month, with
liberty to terminate it at any time with a week's notice.

_Sergeant K._ (_with sarcasm_). And you would wish to retire at a week's
notice if war were declared?

_P.R._ (_surprised_). Certainly! Why not? "Peace with Honour" would be my
motto. As to pay, of course you know what I could get if I went in for
civil employment?

_Sergeant K._ No, I don't, and I don't see what that has to do with it. You
surely would not compare the QUEEN'S service with the work of a beggarly
counter-jumper?

_P.R._ Yes, I would. And as I could earn five shillings a-day easily in a
shop, why, you will have to give me that, with a pension (as I might do
better) of ten shillings a-day after six years' service.

_Sergeant K._ Any other point you would like to mention?

_P.R._ Yes, there is one other. Why should a labourer be able to get
damages from his employer when injured, and a soldier be unable? The
principle of the Employers' Liability Act must be extended to the Army, so
that if any Commanding Officer made some stupid blunder in battle, as he
probably would do, and I were to be hurt in consequence, I might sue him
when we got back to England. You understand my point?

_Sergeant K._ Oh, quite! But what would there be to prevent every soldier
present at the battle from suing also?

_P.R._ Nothing at all. Of course they _would_ all s