This is an
instance where to have "water on the brain" is absolutely necessary. Odd to
think that in this "water difficulty" are contained all the elements of a
burning question; so much so indeed, that the Engineers who may be clever
enough to solve the problem without getting themselves into hot water, may
confidently be expected to follow up their achievement by proceeding to
"set the Thames on fire."

* * * * *

QUEER QUERIES.--CURRENCY REFORM.--I see that the CHANCELLOR OF THE
EXCHEQUER intends to "call in" light sovereigns. The sovereigns I have all
seem to be tolerably heavy, so would there be any objection to my
lightening them by taking some of the gold off, and keeping it? This would
form a nice little "metallic reserve" for me, a thing which Mr. GOSCHEN
seems to approve of. Would not an appropriate motto, to be inscribed on the
new One Pound Notes, be--"_Quid, pro quo?_"--SLY-METALLIST.

* * * * *

[Illustration: LONDON IN VENICE.]

* * * * *

[Illustration]

HORACE IN LONDON.

TO A SKITTISH GRANDMOTHER. (_AD CHLORIN._)

FORBEAR this painted show to strut
Of girlish toilet, manner skittish:
It may be _Fin-de-Siecle_, but
It isn't British.

To dance, to swell the betting rank,
To rival 'ARRIET at Marlow;
To try to break your husband's bank
At Monte Carlo,

Would ill beseem your daughter "smart;"
The vulgar slang of bacchant mummers,
If act you must is scarce the part
For sixty summers.

Let Age be decent: keep your hair
Confined, if nothing else, to one dye:
I'd rather see you, I declare,
Like Mrs. GRUNDY!

* * * * *

THE PRIVATE AND THE PUBLIC.

(_What it may come to._)

["If we are obliged to go into the open market for our soldiers, and
compete with other employers of labour, we must bid as highly as they
do, in pay, hours of work, and general conditions and comfort."--_Daily
Paper on the Report of Lord Wantage's Committee._]

SCENE--_A Public Place._

Sergeant KITE _and a_ Possible Recruit _in conversation._

_Sergeant Kite_ (_continuing_). Then you must remember that we are
exceedingly generous in the matter of rations.

_Possible Recruit_ (_pained_). _Rations_! I suppose you mean _courses_! I
find that in all the large firms in London the assistants have a dinner of
six courses served, w