.

A wife forgives a few hot words uttered in moments of bad temper or
passion, but there is something cold, sneering, provoking, blighting,
assertive, presumptive in 'I told you so,' which gives you an unbearable
air of superiority and self-satisfaction.

When you are already upset, dissatisfied with yourself, ready to take
your revenge out of anyone who takes advantage of your awkward and
unenviable position, 'I told you so' is the drop that causes the cup to
overflow.

The amateur advice-giver is a nuisance, a fidget, a kill-joy, and an
unmitigated bore. Men avoid him, women despise him, and children mind
him until he is out of sight. To the latter he sets up as a model, and
always begins his admonitions with the inevitable 'When I was a boy.'
Then they know what is coming, and giggle--when they do not wink.

Advice given by old folks to children sows as much valuable seed as do
sermons on congregations, with this difference to the advantage of
congregations, that they can close their eyes during a sermon in order
to take it in better, whereas children cannot do the same for fear of
being called rude and of being punished for it.

Among other advice-givers whom I have in my mind's eye, I remember the
one who calls on me the day after I have given a lecture in order to
make suggestions which 'I might use with advantage the next time I give
this lecture.' Also the one who calls to advise me to introduce a
'reminiscence of his,' which I might use on the platform to illustrate
a point, and which 'reminiscence of his' I have heard for twenty years
and know to be part of a classic on the subject.

The chairman who, before I go on the platform, advises me how to use my
voice in order to be well heard by all the members of the audience, a
piece of advice which I thoroughly appreciate, as I have lectured only
3,000 times--well, over 2,500 times, to be perfectly exact.

I even remember one who criticised my pronunciation of a French word in
my lecture, and suggested his as an improvement.

CHAPTER XII

ON HOLIDAYS

Holidays are an institution established to keep you reminded every year
that one is really happy and comfortable at home only. Oh! the board and
lodging, advertised comfortable and moderate, which you leave with
pleasure because the board was the bed! Oh! the little house with
creepers from which you 'flee' because you discover that the creepers
are inside! And the sofas and chairs stuffed with t