ke whisky straight, though that is
not it exactly." "Oh," said the clerk, "I know; you mean Jamaica Plain."
"Yes, yes, that's it," said the Colonel, and he immediately ordered two
whisky straights.--Henry C. Caldwell.

* * * * *

"These Americanos," cries the affrighted Tagal, "are cannibals."

"What ever gave you such an idea?" asks the Moro.

"I just heard one of those soldiers ask that pretty school teacher to
come and eat a Filipino with him!"

* * * * *

Lady--"Little boy, are you sure this butter is clean?"

Boy from the Country--"I low as how it ought to be. Ma and Sis set up
half the night picking the specks out of it."

* * * * *

Squire's daughter--"Do you think it is quite healthy to keep your pigs
so close to the cottage?"

Hodge--"I dunno, Miss. Noan of ther pigs ain't ever been ill."

* * * * *

Emaciated Invalid (just arrived at the springs)--"Is it true that
drinking these waters produces fat?"

Native (weight 250)--"Produces fat? Why, stranger, when I came here I
only weighed eight pounds, and look at me now!"

* * * * *

At a "literary dinner" in London, Mr. Zangwell told a story of a fat
lady of his acquaintance. Her corpulence had so grown upon her that she
resolved to consult a physician about it. She had had no previous
experience with "banting" of any sort.

The doctor drew up a careful dietary for her. She must eat dry toast,
plain boiled beef, and a few other things of the same lean sort, and in
a month return and report the result to the doctor.

At the end of the time the lady came, and was so stout that she could
hardly get through the door. The doctor was aghast.

"Did you eat what I told you?" he asked.

"Religiously," she answered.

His brow wrinkled in perplexity. Suddenly he had a flash of inspiration.

"Did you eat anything else?" he asked.

"Why, I ate my ordinary meals," said the lady.

* * * * *

Considerate Little Girl--"Please, Mr. Keeper, will it hurt the elephant
if I give him a currant out of my bun?"--Leisure Hours.

* * * * *

Howard Paul is responsible for this anecdote of Lillian Russell. The
fair vocalist was lunching at a restaurant and ordered "floating
island"--a popular _entremet_. In due course it arrived, and on its
snowy