e most
vehement oaths and protestations, and put every man out of the ranks of
honor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New
Amsterdam, he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers
at his heels--sturdy bottle companions, whom he gorged and fattened, and
who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice--heroes of
his own kidney, fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand-looking
swaggerers--not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox,
and pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard men quarreled all his
quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man
that turned up his nose at the general, as though they would devour him
alive. Their conversation was interspersed with oaths like minute-guns,
and every bombastic rhodomontade was rounded off by a thundering
execration, like a patriotic toast honored with a discharge of artillery.

All these valorous vaporings had a considerable effect in convincing
certain profound sages, who began to think the general a hero, of
unmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul; particularly as he was
continually protesting on the honor of a soldier--a marvelously
high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so
far as to propose they should immortalise him by an imperishable statue of
plaster of Paris.

But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending
privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard
all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations,
and ejaculations--"Harkee, comrade," cried he, "though by your own
account you are the most brave, upright, and honorable man in the whole
province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced,
and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a
man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally
innocent of the crimes laid to your charge; yet as heaven, doubtless for
some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your
innocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Besides, I
cannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise,
nor to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust.
Retire therefore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public
life, with this comforting reflection--that if guilty, you are but
enjoy