e were of that order of citizens
commonly termed "men of the greatest weight in the community;" their
weight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of their
purses. Their wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to hang
like a millstone round the neck of the community.

Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of venerables:
first, that the city required to be put in a state of defense; and second,
that, as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost; which
points being settled, they fell to making long speeches, and belaboring
one another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about this time was
this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so prevalent in
this country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number of
wise men assemble together, breaking out in long windy speeches; caused,
as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever generated in a crowd.
Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method of
measuring the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being considered
the ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. For which excellent
invention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch
critic who judged of books by their size.

This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the
customary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed by
certain philosophers to have been imbibed, together with divers other
barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbors, who were peculiarly
noted for long talks and council fires; and never undertook any affair of
the least importance without previous debates and harangues among their
chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the people, in electing
their representatives to the grand council, were particular in choosing
them for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether they
possessed the more rare, difficult, and oft-times important talent of
holding their tongues. The consequence was, that this deliberative body
was composed of the most loquacious men in the community. As they
considered themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded that his
duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popularity with them,
required that he should harangue on every subject, whether he understood
it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by every
soldier throwing his shield full of ea