dose
which they will remember.

My dear sir, what can I do to rid myself of these annoyances? The girl
has been to boarding-school, and so can't be sent there again. She has
no friends or relations whom it would be advisable to put her off upon.
Assist me then, in this, the hour of my tribulation, and you, my dear
Mr. PUNCHINELLO, will merit the lasting gratitude of an

UNHAPPY FATHER.

[The best thing an "Unhappy Father" can do, under the circumstances, is
to learn to play upon the bass horn, and then, should the brazen
serenaders again make their appearance, he can give them blow for
blow.--ED. PUNCHINELLO.]

* * * * *

That Iron "Dog."

The latest bit of intelligence given by the police regarding the "dog"
so much spoken of in connection with the Twenty-third street murder, is
that it is not, as at first stated, the kind of instrument used by
shipwrights. In other words, the police have discovered that it is not a
Water-dog, though, up to the present date, they have not been able to
prove it a Bloodhound.

* * * * *

Severe Penalty.

A newspaper gravely informs us that "the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania
has refused the Writ of Error in the case of Dr. SHOEPPE, convicted of
the murder of Mr. STEINNEKE, _and will be hanged_."

Can nothing be done to save this Court? One may say they had no business
to refuse the Writ. But, at any rate, we are of opinion that the
punishment is excessive.

* * * * *

[Illustration: WONDERFUL TOUR DE FORCE,

PERFORMED "ON THE BEACH AT LONG BEACH," BY PROFESSOR JAMES FISK, JR.,
THE GREAT AMERICAN ATHLETE.]

* * * * *

HIRAM GREEN ON JERSEY MUSQUITOES.

A Hard-fought Battle--Musquitoes have no Sting that Jersey Lightning
cannot Cure.

New Jarsey is noted among her sister countries, as bein' responsible for
2 of the most destructive things ever got up.

The first is of the animal kingdom, and varyin in size from a 3 yeer old
snappin' turtle, to a lode of hay.

It has a bayonet its nose, in which is a skwirt gun charged with
pizen.

It has no hesitation, whatsoever, of shovin' it's pitch-fork into a
human bein', and when a feller feels it, it makes him think old
SOLFERINO has come for him, and no mistake.

The sirname of this sleep-distroyin' animile, is Muskeeter. And they
like their meet raw.

Misery Number 2 is a beverige manufactured f