for me, either; it touches my gout."

"What suits me best," I said, "is mountain air. What say you to a
walking tour in Scotland?"

"It's always wet in Scotland," said George. "I was three weeks in
Scotland the year before last, and was never dry once all the time--not
in that sense."

"It's fine enough in Switzerland," said Harris.

"They would never stand our going to Switzerland by ourselves," I
objected. "You know what happened last time. It must be some place
where no delicately nurtured woman or child could possibly live; a
country of bad hotels and comfortless travelling; where we shall have to
rough it, to work hard, to starve perhaps--"

"Easy!" interrupted George, "easy, there! Don't forget I'm coming with
you."

"I have it!" exclaimed Harris; "a bicycle tour!"

George looked doubtful.

"There's a lot of uphill about a bicycle tour," said he, "and the wind is
against you."

"So there is downhill, and the wind behind you," said Harris.

"I've never noticed it," said George.

"You won't think of anything better than a bicycle tour," persisted
Harris.

I was inclined to agree with him.

"And I'll tell you where," continued he; "through the Black Forest."

"Why, that's _all_ uphill," said George.

"Not all," retorted Harris; "say two-thirds. And there's one thing
you've forgotten."

He looked round cautiously, and sunk his voice to a whisper.

"There are little railways going up those hills, little cogwheel things
that--"

The door opened, and Mrs. Harris appeared. She said that Ethelbertha was
putting on her bonnet, and that Muriel, after waiting, had given "The Mad
Hatter's Tea Party" without us.

"Club, to-morrow, at four," whispered Harris to me, as he rose, and I
passed it on to George as we went upstairs

CHAPTER II

A delicate business--What Ethelbertha might have said--What she did
say--What Mrs. Harris said--What we told George--We will start on
Wednesday--George suggests the possibility of improving our minds--Harris
and I are doubtful--Which man on a tandem does the most work?--The
opinion of the man in front--Views of the man behind--How Harris lost his
wife--The luggage question--The wisdom of my late Uncle Podger--Beginning
of story about a man who had a bag.

I opened the ball with Ethelbertha that same evening. I commenced by
being purposely a little irritable. My idea was that Ethelbertha would
remark upon this. I should admit it, and account for it