with anybody. And of course I can stand being well treated. But
the thing I can't stand is being unexpectedly treated, It's outside my
scheme of life. So come now! you've got to behave naturally and
straightforwardly with me. You can leave husband and child, home,
friends, and country, for my sake, and come with me to some southern
isle--or say South America--where we can be all in all to one another.
Or you can tell your husband and let him jolly well punch my head if he
can. But I'm damned if I'm going to stand any eccentricity. It's not
respectable.

GREGORY [coming in from the terrace and advancing with dignity to his
wife's end of the chesterfield]. Will you have the goodness, sir, in
addressing this lady, to keep your temper and refrain from using
profane language?

MRS. LUNN [rising, delighted] Gregory! Darling [she enfolds him in a
copious embrace]!

JUNO [rising] You make love to another man to my face!

MRS. LUNN. Why, he's my husband.

JUNO. That takes away the last rag of excuse for such conduct. A nice
world it would be if married people were to carry on their endearments
before everybody!

GREGORY. This is ridiculous. What the devil business is it of yours
what passes between my wife and myself? You're not her husband, are you?

JUNO. Not at present; but I'm on the list. I'm her prospective husband:
you're only her actual one. I'm the anticipation: you're the
disappointment.

MRS. LUNN. Oh, my Gregory is not a disappointment. [Fondly] Are you,
dear?

GREGORY. You just wait, my pet. I'll settle this chap for you. [He
disengages himself from her embrace, and faces Juno. She sits down
placidly]. You call me a disappointment, do you? Well, I suppose every
husband's a disappointment. What about yourself? Don't try to look like
an unmarried man. I happen to know the lady you disappointed. I
travelled in the same ship with her; and--

JUNO. And you fell in love with her.

GREGORY [taken aback] Who told you that?

JUNO. Aha! you confess it. Well, if you want to know, nobody told me.
Everybody falls in love with my wife.

GREGORY. And do you fall in love with everybody's wife?

JUNO. Certainly not. Only with yours.

MRS. LUNN. But what's the good of saying that, Mr. Juno? I'm married to
him; and there's an end of it.

JUNO. Not at all. You can get a divorce.

MRS. LUNN. What for?

JUNO. For his misconduct with my wife.

GREGORY [deeply indignant] How dare you, sir, asperse the character of