in peace;
but, so accustomed was I to pursuit and alarm, that I seldom closed my
eyes without being haunted by Mr. Venables' image, who seemed to assume
terrific or hateful forms to torment me, wherever I turned.--Sometimes
a wild cat, a roaring bull, or hideous assassin, whom I vainly attempted
to fly; at others he was a demon, hurrying me to the brink of a
precipice, plunging me into dark waves, or horrid gulfs; and I woke, in
violent fits of trembling anxiety, to assure myself that it was all
a dream, and to endeavour to lure my waking thoughts to wander to the
delightful Italian vales, I hoped soon to visit; or to picture some
august ruins, where I reclined in fancy on a mouldering column,
and escaped, in the contemplation of the heart-enlarging virtues of
antiquity, from the turmoil of cares that had depressed all the daring
purposes of my soul. But I was not long allowed to calm my mind by
the exercise of my imagination; for the third day after your birth, my
child, I was surprised by a visit from my elder brother; who came in the
most abrupt manner, to inform me of the death of my uncle. He had left
the greater part of his fortune to my child, appointing me its guardian;
in short, every step was taken to enable me to be mistress of his
fortune, without putting any part of it in Mr. Venables' power. My
brother came to vent his rage on me, for having, as he expressed
himself, 'deprived him, my uncle's eldest nephew, of his inheritance;'
though my uncle's property, the fruit of his own exertion, being all in
the funds, or on landed securities, there was not a shadow of justice in
the charge.

"As I sincerely loved my uncle, this intelligence brought on a fever,
which I struggled to conquer with all the energy of my mind; for, in my
desolate state, I had it very much at heart to suckle you, my poor
babe. You seemed my only tie to life, a cherub, to whom I wished to be
a father, as well as a mother; and the double duty appeared to me to
produce a proportionate increase of affection. But the pleasure I felt,
while sustaining you, snatched from the wreck of hope, was cruelly
damped by melancholy reflections on my widowed state--widowed by the
death of my uncle. Of Mr. Venables I thought not, even when I thought of
the felicity of loving your father, and how a mother's pleasure might
be exalted, and her care softened by a husband's tenderness.--'Ought to
be!' I exclaimed; and I endeavoured to drive away the tenderness th