(irritably). Coming! Why don't he come! He's always
putting things off!

DIBBS. He's not putting 'em _off_ this time, sir, he's
putting 'em _on_! (Pantomimes getting into trousers.)

SEL. (finishing letter). That will do! A frank but dignified
apology. (Addressing envelope.)--"Tompkins, Esq." Nobody called
this morning inquiring for me, I suppose, Dibbs?

DIBBS. No, sir! (Looking hard at SELWYN.) Lord, sir, how
"squiffy" you do look this morning.

SEL. (sternly). "Squiffy," Dibbs?

DIBBS. Yessir--off color!

SEL. (more sternly). "Off color," Dibbs?

DIBBS. Yessir! Dotty about the eye-ball. For all the world
as though you'd been out on the razzle-dazzle last night, sir.

SEL. Dibbs, I request that you will not indulge in slang out
of your proper sphere--the kitchen. (Aside.) He's right! I _am_
"squiffy"--in fact, I never was "squiffier." Fetch my smoking
cap! (Exit DIBBS, R.) It would be rash of me to assert that I
was not "off color" and as to being prepared to take my oath
that I did not feel "dotty about the eye-ball" I couldn't do it!

DIBBS (re-entering from R.). Your smoking cap, sir! (He
grins at SELWYN.)

SEL. What are you grinning at?

DIBBS. Nothing, sir--except your bed ain't a bit tumbled!

SEL. What of that? I suffered from the toothache and had
to walk about all night!

DIBBS. Then the roof must want mending, for the rain comes
into your room, sir--your clothes are all sopping wet! Oh,
sir, _if_ I didn't know you, sir, I should say you had taken
advantage of the missus' absence to go out on the kick!

SEL. Dibbs, would you dare!----

DIBBS. I say, sir _if_ I did not know you!

SEL. (aside). This boy knows too much for me! (Aloud;
showing coin.) See nothing, say nothing!

DIBBS. Oh, sir! Don't force it on me! (Takes money and puts
it in his pocket.) It shall be a secret between _man and man_.
Mum's the word to the missus!

SEL. (aside). I wish I dared kick him!

DIBBS. Here comes Mr. Bellamy, sir!

Enter FRED, L. 2 E., without his coat.

SEL. At last, my dear Fred, at last! I want you to do me
a favor!

FRED (aside). I suppose so! (Aloud.) I certainly do not
consider it doing _me_ a favor when I am awoke at unearthly
hours.

SEL. First let me explain--(noticing DIBBS is
listening.) Thank you, Dibbs, I shall not want you any more!

DIBBS (aside). As usual! Always turned out when the interest
begins! Never mind, I've got a