stammered a little--then----(Gesture.)

FRED. You didn't give it?

SEL. No, I gave _yours_!

FRED (starting up indignantly). What! Give _my_ name to a
girl you picked up promiscuously----(SELWYN forces him back
into his seat.)

SEL. She was a perfect lady, dear boy. Besides, what was
the use of _you_ saving _my_ life if I could not use your name?

FRED (pettishly). Well? Go on.

SEL. Then a faintness came over her--she wasn't used to
late hours!

FRED. Of course not! They never are!

SEL. (talking glibly). I rushed out to fetch a doctor, missed
my footing on the top step, and fell headlong amongst a group
of gentlemen on the pavement. "Drunken booby," said one of them,
giving me a push that sent me reeling. Off went my hat into the
gutter, _I_ went after it, and at last covered with indignation
and mud, I flew at the fellow and knocked _his_ hat off, too!

FRED. This is getting exciting!

SEL. We tussled furiously, I think I must have hurt his fist,
for my eye is precious painful (putting his hand to his face),
and then somebody shouted "police," and for a wonder an active
and intelligent officer at once appeared on the scene.

FRED. And locked _you_ up?

SEL. No! I hastily snatched the hat from the pavement and
ran like an antelope, but imagine my horror when I discovered
I had taken my antagonist's hat instead of _my own_!

FRED. That didn't matter if it was as good, or better!

SEL. It _did_ matter very much, for since I have had
two stolen I have always stuck my card on the inside and
consequently I expect to be shortly called upon, and called
out by the gentleman I insulted. It is not that I fear for my
own sake, but if it gets to my wife's ears I shall never hear
the last of it.

FRED. What are you going to do?

SEL. Simply be beforehand with my antagonist and disarm
his resentment by profuse apologies--his name is Tompkins I
have found that out.

FRED. Where does he live?

SEL. There's the rub, for it does not give his _address_
inside his hat, only his _name_! Now comes my need of _your_
help. Go and buy the _London Directory_, and with this hat
in one hand and that apology in the other call on all the
Tompkins's in the town!

FRED (protestingly). Oh! I say, you know----(Rises and
goes, L.)

SEL. (rises and goes, R.). What! Would you refuse? Oh,
that I ever should have allowed a man to save my life who
would afterward deny me such a simple f